May 4, 2008

Weekend Recap & Thoughts

Well, a quick update amongst the craziness that life has become (I know, I know...the REAL crazy hasn't even started yet, but just humor my's bliss!) - baby shower #1 was yesterday and it was a blast! Here are my hostesses and they were so sweet to host all my best and dearest friends for my very first baby shower ever!

I have a ton of pictures, but not with me - they are in the hands and cameras of my friends. Once they get them too me, I can post proper-like. Ha!

Here's the back of my car as I was leaving....WHOAA! It was crammed all the way in and back. I was sooooo LUCKY ladies - I seriously did not get anything that I didn't genuinely NEED. It was amazing...I was like "this is the best ever!"

Meanwhile, on the homefront - before I left for said shower, AB came to the living room and said "Ok, well have a good day - I'm off!" I said "where to?" He looked at me kind of coy and said "shave my head". I said "NO WAY!" He said "Yes Way". And there you have it. Whatayagonnado?

Well, come here first, AB and let me snap a shot of those lovely hooooo!!!

"Don't worry, CB" - he said - "it'll grow back....and it's hot in Africa!"

Sniffle. Ok - It's kinda cute...Mr. Clean.

And this my friends is our weekend so far. We had a great time this morning sleeping in and going through some of Quint's stuff from yesterday. Not only that, but AB got motivated to hang a bunch of stuff as well, so I'll be posting soon about the current state of the nursery. It's getting there!

We have shower #2 today - and it's gonna be a lot of fun, I'm sure! We're so blessed to have people reach out to us in this way and we are not taking it for granted!!

Almost ready to start coming to grips with being a mom in two weeks. I'm speaking of physically. Emotionally, I've felt like a mom for a long time - but physically to be a mom - wow. I'm still processing it. I feel like I've had all this time to prepare (oh my, I'm doing it! I'm doing what I said I'd never do! I'm lamenting about how I'm not ready...gag!) but I'm still not. I guess you never are. And not only that - I'm feeling like "wow...I'm scared...what if I....(enter desperately pathetic screw up here). It's just the normal processing and preparing, and I know that.

When AB grabbed up Quint's diaper bag this morning and said..."ok, so what's going in here for the plane?" I wanted to cry, gasp, laugh, shout for joy and throw up all at the same time. Oh, that's right! We have to pack for him too! Hahahahaha....almost forgot....about....that....heh. Gulp. Better think about that. Soon. Heh. Gulp. Cough.

The admin at my doctor's office said "have a nice vacation in Africa". I laughed out loud and snorted at the same time. She looked at me like I'd sprouted a third head. I said "it's not a vacation". Then I slapped my hand over my mouth and said "I can't believe I just said that! It is a vacation, sort of...not really, but's just that...well, we're adopting...and so this is our trip to go get our it's sortofavacationbutnotreallybutitisthough." I was sweating, busted out laughing - must have looked completely manic. I probably looked rediculous, but the closer the dates get, the more rediculous and inept I begin to feel.

I know it'll be fine. I know it'll be high and low and great and frustrating, and tiring and exhilarating and wonderful and scary and amazing and exhausting. But for today and tomorrow, I am just trying to get packed and wash bottles and sort clothes and pack diaper bags with God in heaven knows what since I've never done this before. And for today and maybe even tomorrow...(I'm breaking the code here) it's just overwhelming. There - it's out. I'm overwhelmed.

I know we're supposed to be jumping up and down freaking out excited - and we TOTALLY are in some moments. But in others we're just flat out overwhelmed. That's the reality. Can't make it pretty all the time. In some moments, I want to just say "I'll worry about that tomorrow...I can't think about that today". Then the next thing I know, it's tomorrow and I'm still not ready. So you know what - time to suck it up and DEAL, CB. There is nothing I can think of that I want more than to be Quint and Keira's mommy.

Some people might think that because we made the decision to adopt two kids, we're selfish for not being ridiculously happy at all times - because after all, we're on our way to get our son and what right have we to complain? Or for using the blog to express our truest feelings, which aren't always pretty - that we're somehow letting people down by showing the darker side of life. But actually, it couldn't be more the opposite. We are genuinely saying, "wow! once you get to this point - it's surreal and wonderful, but also a hardcore reality check and terrifying." Like it, love it, or leave it - it's the truth for us.

Meanwhile, I am pining with the anticipation of wrapping that baby boy in my arms and telling him how much we've missed him and are so HAPPY to be together at last. To tell him that we love him and can't wait to see the person he will become. And how much we wanted HIM. Crayon on the walls and 3am meltdowns, and all. So happy to be his parents...

Thanks for listening -


Briana's Mom said...

WOW - look at all that loot! You made out like a bandit! :)

Lovin' the shaved head! Great for Africa weather!

You definitely cannot be happy all the time. The whole process of adoption can be soooo overwhelming at times. Remember I packed and repacked my suitcases like 10 times before I left for China? Talk about obsessive - LOL! Everything really does fall into place once you are on your way - I promise! :)

Dan, Misty & Ashar said...

Thanks for sharin! I love it, seriously. You are so real. It's almost like I read your posts and feel like it's okay to fee what I'm feeling right now. So thanks! About your question...they extended wait times to 6-10 months. Could happen sooner, but I'm ready for the longhaul.

Dan, Misty & Ashar said...

Now that sounds really selfish. IT's not a longhaul in light of many adoptions. It's actually still very short, and I'm not complaining about the wait. More just mentally preparing for a longer wait that we had originally anticipated. That's life right...okay, I'll stop now! Get crackin and have fun packin!

Linda said...

Thanks for being honest with your feelings!! Anytime you walk into the unknown, You have to be dumb to not have alittle fear. This is not something youve done before. Everything will be fine and when you hold Quint, you will becaome the best MOther you can be (and none of us are perfect).. Being Honest on your blog allows readers to know that it's ok to express themselves also. Thanks for that.. Linda

Kim said...

WOW girly you have had a GREAT weekend..
LOVE the goodies.. can't wait to see Quint's room... it is okay to be scared and excited ... it is also YOUR blog and you can do whatever you want..
If they don't like it , they don't have to come back...
Okay now.. I am soooo ready to see little Quint's face... and you holding him...
Thanks for stopping by

Unknown said...

I love the beauty of your posts. I am so thankful for your blog and your honest heart..Have a great week

Dena said...

I had so much fun watching you open your gifts. I always get completely overwhelmed at my own showers, opening all of the gifts, it's just too much for me. But you made it so fun to watch you.
This goes without saying, but YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!! Seriously, you could have your own talk show. I'd watch every single day!

As for adoption, yeah...crazy for sure. For me all of the terror and difficulty on the front end made all the good stuff even better when we finally got there.

Can't wait for the 19th!

Mary said...

I loved your post!! Having adopted twice I so know how you are feeling. It is so like giving birth, too. It is the same anticipation and worry that I went through the weeks before going in to labor. You know what is coming.. heck, you worked to get to this point... but MAN it is more than you ever expected... in a good way.

Can't wait to see your little man!!