June 18, 2010

About Hope

What I want to say is this...

Only five months have passed, as of today.  Only five short, incredibly fast months since she was placed in our arms.

We had what you could call, a very difficult transition period when we met Keira in January.

Many of you who followed along read what a very sad, traumatic, trying, and difficult transition we experienced.

And it was heartbreaking on so many levels - the disappointment and rejection AB and I felt seemed insurmountable in moments

and there are many, many people reading this blog who are still waiting parents

some of them even getting ready to travel

and all the excitement and fears and wonder and anxiousness can be extremely overwhelming

so maybe when you read a blog like mine, and you read a story like Keira's - it makes you sad or makes you feel vulnerable, maybe scared...hoping it's not like that for you.  And I can so understand that.  I've been right where you are.  And for us, it ended up being exactly what we had feared, in so many ways.  And I pray for you it's not. 

However, not too many people - not nearly enough people - will tell you like it is, the way I told it like it was.  Especially from this type of format - where many of us are strangers and I have nothing to gain by exposing my heartache.


except now I want you to know something...need you to know something

No matter what darkness we walked through five months ago - we knew one thing remained...Hope.

There was always hope deep down in our spirits

There is always a way when your will is strong

There is always direction, if you're looking to find it

Wisdom.  Strength.  Perseverance.

And love, love, and more love.

Not easy.  But always there.

I leaned heavily on the love and comfort of my Heavenly Father.  I cannot tell you how much that one thing alone carried me through such a difficult and trying season of my motherhood experience. 

and so, I'm here...telling it like it is, and this time, I think you'll like it.

That no matter what happens when you're united with your little one - you all know who you are - those traveling, waiting for referrals, or contemplating adoption

no matter what happens in those first moments, those first weeks, months...maybe even longer for some - still...

there is hope

there is always hope

lean on it...lean into it...be comforted in it...

focus your eyes on it

grab hold of it

dwell on it in the dark moments and bask in it when it covers you

This is how we made it to where we are now

with her...

Hope.  Believing in tomorrow.  Hoping...

Perhaps it's better to show you...

 and so with hope in our hearts

and love, love, and more love...

five months later...

there is Hope

and love, love, and more love


Mom said...

What a truly beautiful post Christie. You always did put your whole soul into whatever it was you wanted, whether it be singing, writing, or now motherhood. I am so proud of the wonderful woman that is the mother of my 2 very special grandchildren, and is my daughter!
God Bless you sugar. I love you very much!!!

Ani said...

Oh Christie - that pic of Keira with her little arms outstretched to Daddy is just priceless. Makes my heart melt...
What a difference 5 months can make!

Renate said...

I love your blog!

Holly said...

Thanks for being Real.

Michelle said...

I love this. :) Thank you for sharing your journey to Keira and more importantly, thank you for sharing the true story. Tessa was our third adoption...I so thought I was prepared, but the jet lag on the way home knocked me on my you know what. And my baby was EASY...but MY transition was tough. I thought I'd made a mistake...but now, 10 months later, I am SO in love with my daughter...my sweet girl.

For everyone still waiting...just be kind to yourself during the transition.

Briana's Mom said...

Truly amazing!

Anonymous said...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the before and after pictures!!!!!!!!!! You can so see the joy on her sweet little face now. I love happy endings! Hope is a wonderful thing.....thanks for sharing your story with all of us.


Marie-Claude said...

We all need to be honest. Adoption is not the easy way to have children. Through, the wait, the worries, to questions, the first picture, the gotcha day, the ride back to the hotel, the door closes of your hotel rooms and you are alone with the sweet baby who only want the life it knew before. Even though it wasn't a great life, it was the life they knew. With patience, love, prayers, patience, love, patience... this sweet child will get it that you are there for she/him. It is not an easy road but soooo worth it. Yes, there is hope. It comes along, keep faith. Love and hope will get through... and honesty. Love your words Christie

Valerie said...

Hope, love and determination and REWARDS, unfathomable rewards.

Missing you!

Hope your time there is wonderful.

Love V

Debbie Sauer said...

She is beautiful. It looks like things are going better. Have a great summer and I am looking forward to more updates. Blessings.

meme said...

Beautiful, as always! Love it !
Your Kentucky Friend.

Michal said...

I have this belief that you will find in life, the things that you need. I needed this post- in a big way.
We are waiting for TA to pick up our son who is 20 mos old and I am filled with fear and anxiety at times- I need to hang on to the Hope.
Thank you!

PS Hope the Big Apple is treating you well.

a Tonggu Momma said...

We have friends who have been home just a month, having adopted from Ethiopia. I am so sending her here.

Kris said...

Such a beautiful post, so eloquently written, and "real" as always! "Hope" is an amazing thing...what a difference 5 months make. I love the expression on her face as she jumps into her daddy's arms! Thank you for continuing to share your story.

Kristy said...

Christie this was an incredibly beautiful post, and just in case your wondering...I have learned so many invaluable lessons from you and while I am at it, I just have to add that you are one of the most real people I know! You and I are quite alike, with me what you see is what you get! You are just the cream of the crop sister and I love you for being you!

Love, Kristy

The Gang's Momma! said...

I love this post. The pics and the words - all just eloquently (again, with the eloquence!) show the nature of love. The hard times, the despair, the longing, the hope. There is hope. There is always hope. I'm especially fond of the word, hope. So much so that we used it in our girl's name. The Lord gave me Psalm 71:5&6 as her life verse and it's gotten us through many a tough day, remembering that HE is our hope. HE put that hope in me. In her.

GREAT post. And I love the new look. Sooo summery!