April 1, 2010

Compliment Snob

I had to get groceries today.  Just a few to tide us over.  So I'm here to admit that I do not enjoy lugging both of my children to the grocery store or any other store for that matter - because it requires more effort than I care to expend on the task - whatever it may be.  Who needs bread and chocolate milk? 

And those of you with multi-packs of kids, well...bless you.  Because I have two arms.  Two legs.  Two ears.  Two eyes.  And in keeping with what seems to be a God-given indication to go and do likewise, I have two kids.  One for each side of my tired body to keep up with day in and out.

And I think we've covered that I'm crazy about them, right?  But jiminy cricket...I have fantasies about sleep that you would not believe. Sleep and chocolate.  Sleep and chocolate and having Cable TV again.  Sigh.

Now let me share for a moment a new experience that is keeping me indoors.  And you mustn't think me a snob.  No, I beg you.  Please don't.  I'm not.  I swear.  But I've grown tired of going out lately for another reason and it sounds hideous to admit - like I'm fishing.  And I'm SO not fishing for anything.  No fishing.  Don't even like fishing.  Or boats.  Or vast areas of water.  But I digress...

I dread going out with both kids because of the stops and stares and comments.  We are a walking eye-magnet.  I know those of you with adopted kids from different races might understand.  I dread it.  Not because I'm not upside down proud of my kids.  You know I am.  It's because lately I can't get ten feet out of my car before someone stops. stares. and comments.  And these are nice people.  Most of them, anyway.  And they say the nicest things.  They do!  But I'm so tired of it.  So, so tired...  

Despite what my husband may believe, I do have a limited number of words that I can form and use in a day.  Most of them are spent on "no" and "don't touch that" and "stop climbing on that".   Also, I'm tired - but we've covered that.  I don't want to stop every few minutes and give an impromptu interview on our adoption story.  Where they're from, when did we adopt, how old they are...and then have to listen politely while the stranger regales the tale of a friend of a friend who adopted and had this or that experience...yada yada yada.  Smiling and trying to pretend like I'm totally interested just because I adopted.  I know, it's sounds bad.  But how many hours are there in a day?  Now, I ask you!  And I have to stand there and go through those motions every time we go out.  Every time, people.  No, seriously.

And I dread a trip to the store lately anyway, because we're heavy in the terrible two's.  Yessiree we sure are.  And I know that we're most likely going to have one or two or more episodes in any given store that we enter.  We sure are.  Today being NO exception.

So while I can sort-of appreciate the sentiment behind the kinds words and compliments about my kids and the questions and the stares and double takes...it also makes me feel just a little bit like a walking anomaly.  Like we're on display.  Like we're just asking to be "pulled over" on isle five and get the run-through by some person who just couldn't help themselves. 

There I am, pushing a cart with my two year old African son, and my Chinese daughter, who  by the by, slobbers all over the cart cover and gnaws on my purse strap.  Smiling and coo-ing at passersby and using her chubby cheek powers of charm and will to drag them over and make conversation. 

Quint playing peek-a-boo with strangers and shyly ducking under my legs before I know what has transpired.  He's a charmer, that one.

But then the approach...the smiling at me, and sometimes the touch on the arm (ps, I don't enjoy the touch on the arm...no, I sure don't) and then the verbal drooling over the kids that always starts with "I just have to tell you..." or "are they yours" or "I just have to ask" or "I saw you on the other isle and..." or, and this is CLASSIC, "are you a daycare provider?" or how about TODAY "where is she from?" loudly and all of a sudden from behind me...which took me off-guard and made me feel a little like a deer in headlights.

I know.  I sort of need to get over it.  But it's hard for me.  I feel protective of them, of us, of their right to fit in...be normal...I don't know.  It just feels so overwhelming to not blend in at all.  To draw so much attention wherever we go.  And maybe it should feel nice, but for some silly reason, it doesn't.  It just feels like overload. 

And here's the potential for seeming like a compliment snob.  (which I'm not)  I think it's great that people love babies and kids.  Maybe even nice when I hear them talking about my kids over my shoulder.  But I do not enjoy so much the being approached and told as much.  I know.  Snob.  But I'm not, I swear!  It just makes me uncomfortable.  Not because I disagree, or I'm worried about vanity or whatthefrigever-else.  It's not.  It's just because it's All The Time.  I'm not kidding you.  This is serious over here.  I can't go to the store, the bank, the drive up window, the church...even for a walk in my own neighborhood.  I get stopped constantly.  I get hollered at across isles and parking lots and streets.

And I'm a little on the anti-social side.  Gasp!  I know.  Surprise, surprise.  And it's not fun for me.  I dread it.  Did I say that already?

I dread it.  

Getting through the grocery store today took way too long.  Because I got stopped no less than five times as I tried to race through, frantically trying to avoid the pending meltdowns and cry-fests...watching the clock to see if nap-time was encroaching or long gone...

Woe.  Woe to me.

And I get that they're cute and adorable and all those good things because they're my kids...and I think all those things about them too.  I do.  But I see cute kids all the time, and I don't rush over to tell their parents.   Do you?  Uh-oh...are you one of those people who stops the parents?  Oh dear.  Well, I get it, I do.  You're just happy people.  With nice things to say.  And they're cute...I agree!

And so today, after several "stops" throughout the grocery store, including one in the parking lot on the way in, the checkout cashier gushed all over them like she had never seen two children of different race in the same cart.  Ever.  In her life.  Sigh...  We're not from a small town over here.  We're from a big town.  A big city even. 

This is what I'm talking about when I say "I dread it":

Cashier: "She's really cute".  

To which I replied with a simple but sincere "thank you".

And then the weirdness...

Cashier:  "Well, is she nice?"

Blink.  Blink.  Stare. (me)


What the what?

Is she nice?

As in, nice to have around?  Nice, as in polite?  Nice as in 'not mean'?  

"Ummm...nice?  Yes, of course she's nice..."  I replied.  Forget she's nine months old. Forget she doesn't speak.  Or crawl.  Or hold her own bottle yet.  Nice?  As in one of those traits I'm still working out in my own adulthood?  Nice?

I don't even know how to answer half the inquiries I get.  Seriously.

Just get me to my car so I can go home.  

The circus is now leaving...you can all go back to your shopping.

By the time I get them successfully strapped into their car-seats and close the doors, I'm exhausted.  Exhausted from feeling like we're a sideshow.  At the grocery store.   At the bank.  At the mall.  At the Post Office.  Enter location _________here.

I guess I'm not nice.  Maybe she should have asked me if I was nice? I just don't like the overt compliments and inquiries.  I'll pass.

Can you relate?  Surely some of you can, right?!?  Please tell me somebody out there "gets" me?


Kim said...

Oh, how I can relate! We adopted a BOY from China that was 26 months on Gotcha Day and he is stinkin' cute. I so prayed that we could just go out and be like everybody else. It took about a year and a half before the questions (esp. the one - How did you get a BOY?!) slowly stopped. Now at 4, when people start asking me about DS, I just look at DS and let him talk to them. Usually stops them in their tracks. Just know that it will get better, but since I've BTDT and own the t-shirt, I feel your pain.

Marie-Claude said...

I get you,

I do not mind it as much..now. My girls are 12 and 5. As they grow older you have to have answers ready for the kids to answer back...politely. The worst, the cost! No kidding, when asked last summer how long we had to stay in-country to get our girl and how much money it must had cost, my eldest answered ''Oh my, that's a personal question, let's just say its quite a bit of money, don't forget we have to travel across the planet! It's like many trips to Disney World! So glad they did! Good bye and have a nice day mam!'' She turned away and continue to march on . Go girl! I smiled and followed my girl...proudly!

I do not know if we get use to it, but it does not matter as much now. When I feel like it, I try to make these curious people more aware of how they can help orphans, mostly for those who tell me while cooing in awe over our girls and explaining they always wanted to do this, but did not have the funds....I say to them, there is always a way..when you want...I smile and say...Have a great day!


Wendy in OH said...

You are hysterical...I can so relate to some of the inquiries and especially the "my friends sisters brother has a cousin from China"...the best one is when I am only with my daughter, who is from China (we have two bio boys) and someone asks, very sincerely, "do you have any kids of your own?" WTF...
Wendy in OH

Jessica said...

You poor thing! I personally don't do the "done up" thing to run errands like the grocery store. I don't always look in the mirror, sometimes I go in my sweats, plus my kids are 5 and 8 and even I have a limited time in the store before we start fighting or whining about being hungry. For me, I'd like nothing less that to go to the grocery store, be in and out as fast as I can and hopefully not run into anyone who sort of knows me and will later think "wow, she must be having a rough day" (ie. sweats, no make up, kids running like wild animals between little old ladies). No, I don't like grocery days and would NOT want to be stopped for a little conversation with strangers!

everythingismeowsome said...

I kind of wish you had said she WASN'T nice just to see what the cashier said.

While I do get what you mean, we haven't had this experience as much. I see people looking at us and processing our family, but they just say nice things like, He really has the most beautiful smile. And it's true, so what can I do???

Renea Lynch said...

Okay, sorry, but I have to do it.... LAUGH that is! :) I'm not one of 'those' people but I might just in passing you with my own cart cuz I'm in a hurry say, "man your kids are adorable!" and leave it at that. :) Smile and go about my business.

You might consider moving to a small town. I live in one. EVERYONE knows your business so there is no need to stop to ask you anything because the friend of your friend's neighbor's aunt has already shared everything they know with most of the town. Or at least those she passed at the market that day which more than likely will be the same ones you encounter 5 hours later that same day.

SOOOOO not along the same lines as your adoption story, but being in a VERY small town and the only photographer that takes everyone's kids pictures I get stopped a zillion times to ask me about work or appointments. Ummmm....hellow, I'm in my everyday play outside with my kids clothes, my hair is a frumpy dirty mess and I have french fries in my purse....but no day timer. Do you see me? I'm a mom. Don't ask about your pictures or making an appointment when I have my hands full of fruit and veggies or I'm pumping my gas, because quite frankly.... Scarlet my dear.... well, you know. Call me during normal business hours! LOL

Feeling your pain, in a different sort of way. I promise, if I EVER see you (which is highly unlikely) I'll just wave and say, "Hey! You're the compliment snob with the EVER so cute kids from Africa and China!" wink wink and be on my merry way. and you'll know I meant it in the most sincere possible way. xoxo :) Have a super, undisturbed, NICE day.

Emily said...

OMGsh "nice" what is she a puppy? Was she afraid she would bite? That is the dumbest question that I have ever heard. I have to apologize to you on behalf of others like me. I have been one of those people. I think I felt by giving someone complements like this, I was helping them to feel normal or I was somehow saying, "I think you are amazing for taking this journey". But that would be weird, so instead I dote on how beautiful their family is. I don't rush over though, usually just polite eye contact and then I open my mouth. I think from now on I will refrain.:) Our K-bug is quite the flirt too and so he also ropes in all kinds of unwanted conversation. I would say some of it just comes with being a mom to exceptionally attractive children.;)

frogglet said...

My sisters are identical twins with red hair and we could not go anywhere without being stopped 10 times so I understand. I was hard being a 6 year old and totally ignored because they were twins. Even now we have a hard time going places together with out getting the looks. Then there are the red head comments. Where did you get your red hair is my favorite? Really? Where do you think I got it the hair fairy.

Your not a snob just wanting to get milk and bread in a timely manner.

Brandi said...

Yep...totally feel your pain. We just want to fit in. And while I understand that's not totally possible (I mean...we're are a mixed family so we're gonna stand out no matter what I want), but man I wish...

I am also kinda antisocial, I guess. It's uncomfortable for me to have conversations with people I don't know. So to have to have a conversation about something as personal as how I chose to grow my family is extremely difficult for me.

Anyway...just letting you know I feel your pain.

Michal said...

I totally get this!
I used to feel the same way. Only I had ONE daughter. She was born in China and, may I say? She is gorgeous. No really. I feel ok saying that because it's not my dna and hell, I didn't even pick her so (NSN matchin, but I WOULD have picked her), you know. License to brag.
We would go out and we would hear one comment after another about her cuteness, questions about our life, adoption, comments, blah, blah, blah...
You are right. It's exhausting.
It got so bad that E developed a bit of an "attitude", like she would begin to perform. It was bad.
Eventually it slowed.
She is 5 now but the size of a 3 year old basically, so her vocab. and abilities don't jive with her physical being and THAT is what gets us noticed now. Now they say "oh, how old is she?" "she's so tiny!" I love that second one because it pisses E off and she announces, "I am a big girl, I am 5".
We are waiting to bring our son from China home. He too, is astoundingly cute. And has a repaired cleft lip. I cringe at the thought of what folks will have to ask about when we are out with both of them.

I have to say though? Really Quint and Keira are so gut wrenchingly cute, that if I saw you out in public? Knowing what I know about your days and how it feels to be stopped every 10 feet? I would still talk to you and drool over them. It's like magnetism. I would not be able to help myself. I would be like the moth to the flame!! Sorry. I am not saying it's right or anything, it's just the way t is : 0)

I love your blog and your writing. I am always impressed with the way you can say what's going on, it's all truth and even when I know it must be incredibly hard to write, and even when you talk about the tough stuff, the love you have for your children shines through.

Neeson Family said...

you get over it after a while and hardly even notice the rubber necking...........used to bug the kids a bit. most people mean well and you can always say I would rather not say thank you very much.............that;s for when the questions start and they ask how much?

Shannon said...

Okay.... I don't mind the questions too much, but the nice question is VERY weird. What I do mind is that EVERYONE wants to hold her. Perfect strangers have kissed her. I am avoiding church because all the adults and children (even the 3 year olds) grab her. And even if I keep her very close and refuse they all touch her hands, which she then puts directly into her mouth. (and all I can think is....... oh, no, nebulizer treatments may be necessary again.) So I carry a lot of hand sanitizer and try to discreetly catch her before the little, chubby hands go into her mouth. I'm still trying to figure out what is appropriate and will not embarrass her. Recently, during a coffee visit with a friend, a police officer was staring and staring at us. He finally said, " oh, I am just noticing how cute she it." I just blurted out ...."yeah, she's from China". I just wanted to get it over with. Hopefully I will figure out a more graceful way to satisfy the curiosity of strangers.

Anonymous said...

I got one for you. JC PENNEY's about 2 months ago. My 6 year old, Wen and I spend an hour trying on clothes with no one helping us at all. We gather everything up to head to check out. The cashier, a skirt wearing, long haired lady with JESUS buttons all over her chest check us out. She says, is she adopted. I say yes, do not smile. She continues to check out... Where is she from, I try to ignore her, but my 6 year old whom I have taught not to be rude and be proud of her culutre, says China. I look at wen and then back at the saleslady and give a half hearted grin.. and kinda a warning not to ask anymore... I am not in the mood. It is none of your business. Can I do that in one look? Yes I can I am a K teacher...

So, the to my surprise the woman asks Wen, so do you like it here? What???? I go ballistic.. I slam my hand on the counter and say what??? She is 6 years old., this is none of your business. You should be ashamed of yourself, asking such personal questions. I most certainly did not ask you what size panties you wore, or where did you get your haircut did I??? NO, so it is none of your business. She meekly said, I was just trying to be nice. I kept it together and let her finsh until she handed me my bag and smugly said, "Well I hope Jesus blesses you." Can you imagine the scene now????

I told her I needed to speak to her manager, b/c she need not preach to me. SHe needed to leave her Jesus buttons at home and mind her own business. As she is on the phone, she starts crying. This makes me even more angry. Why should she be mad, I called her on her nosiness....

I slammed my hand on the counte again and told her to "dry it up" she was a grown woman and didn't need to be crying. My 6 year old should be crying...

Well, the managers came out and were obviously embarrassed about the lady's conversation with me...

Wen told Daddy that mommy got kinda loud.. Thankfully I didn't scar her more....

I too get tired of it... I am sometimes in the mood to talk, but if not, I then use my body language to SHOW YOU I AM NOT... NO eye contact, a half hearted smile, short answers, arms at chest (if you aren't holding baby) Also sunglasses and a baseball hat help inside to avoid eyes.

You also can practice saying: I am sorry that information is personal to our family. I must be on my way.

Tell me what works for you.

Get used to it.... LOL


Anonymous said...

I forgot, the best question to figure out whether people are being nosey or maybe have a true interest: Why do you ask?

Christy Bailey

Who wrote the post about Wen Bailey...at Jc Penney

Emy said...

Oh girl! I remember when you had a similar post about being out with Quint when he was first home. I bet it's a gazillion times worse now. I am afraid I used to be one of those people, yep, I was! But once I met my hubby I learned to mind my own business. :o) He's 6'9 and even something little like how tall a person is sparks all kinds of questions and comments. Seriously people! I don't want to talk to you! ha ha ha! I know, I know, it's all about to get a gazillion times worse for us too. YA HOO!!!!

Valerie said...

Girl, we all need t-shirts.





Xander and Alana (but mostly Alana) said...

You are not a snob. At all. You are way more indulgent than I am right now. I'm done humoring people at the moment. It's none of their business. I think I'd just say thank you and keep on walking like you didn't really hear what they asked you. Or if you have to, "Please excuse us. We have a lot of things to get done today. Have a nice day." It's not your job to entertain every nosy person you encounter. Really. So not a snob.

Xander and Alana (but mostly Alana) said...

I'd also like to turn the conversation around sometimes and say, "Do you have kids? Really? How many? How old are they? Did you have sex with your husband to get them? A boyfriend? Was it expensive or did you have health insurance? Are they nice?"

Diana said...

I had a lady in the grocery one day when my oldest was little actually lift his hat up and look at his hair and then me and ask "does he look like his dad" I said "just like him" and walked away...
I am sorry but the question "is she nice" made me laugh..I so wish you would have said "well we have had the police called out for her gumming the last 2 idiots who ask stupid question..so back away lady for your own safety.."

JonesEthiopia said...

I have two ET girls. We got a lot of attention before we brought our 2nd home, but now with two, it is so much worse. Of course the fact that my 2-year-old is very outgoing and says "HI!!!" to everyone. My husband hardly ever gets comments, but I get them constantly.

Anonymous said...

first of all, they are soooo darn cute how can you not look at them, OK, second of all, you are snow white with these children, another reason to look, third, you are in Texas, big city or not, still Texas, that would not be the norm in CA as I am sure you know. People don't care here, don't wanna talk to you or find out the info, we are all too busy or too snobbish. There are way too many blended families here for you to stand out,... now you would for the cuteness factor with the kids, but that would be it, just wow they are cute! So move back already!!
love you, enjoy your problems they will not last!

Anonymous said...

hahahaha...sorry for your dilemma! people can be unintentionally rude. now, it must be a fruedian mistake, but you wrote "isle" instead of "aisle", which is funny because you were probably wishing you were on an isle! also, you have you're hands full of so much cuteness, people probably want to scoop them up and share it! if it was me, i would maybe get some t-shirts for shopping in ....something with answers built in. maybe like that credit card ad...ending with "blended family..priceless".
when all else fails...stare in disbelief at the kids and scream..."oh, no; this is the wrong cart!" and leave them eating your dust. you are a fine mom, they are gr8 kids and you are all blessed to have each other. "this too shall pass!" mrs.k.

Shannon said...

Just another thought about this. When I was praying about adoption, when I was waiting for my husband to agree to adoption, when I was waiting and waiting and waiting for my referral, it seems as if I saw adoptive families everywhere. I was just interested in them because I so badly wanted to adopt from China. My heart was LONGING to adopt. I didn't know if it would ever happen. If we are patient and kind to people, who knows...... maybe some of them will adopt. I just feel so blessed and fortunate to have able to bring my little girl home, that I feel the weight of the responsibility to be content and grateful. Sometimes, we just need to complain about things like this and know that we are not alone. Then after, I feel a little less lonely in this, it is time to move on. May God help me to represent him in all I do, including representing adoptive families with grace and love.

Stacey said...

I so get your pain. We, no I should say, I still get stoped with the kids a lot mostly due to Miah being so outgoing now. When Randy is with us people tend to just look and (sigh, so hate the) point at the kids. Rubber necks are just a part of daily life as we know it so that goes unnoticed most of the time. What gets me more than anything is that when they stop us they will go on and on about Miah and how cute she is and the million questions, but hardly glance at James. I wish they would not stop us at all, but most days I am gracious about it.However I do get a bit testy over the lack of hellos to my son as they gush over my daugter when they are both very darling children if I do say so myself.

T.Janzen said...

HH brother do I get it, too!! My daughter is 7 (NSN) and my son is 6 (SN-WC) and yes both of them are cute as bug's ears BUT so are a lot of other kids and why are they not being pointed out!!

I was with my son in a grocery store and an Chinese man was looking at Sam and then said to me, "There's something the matter with him, um?" and then walked away.

Sam's SN has long been corrected and is not obvious at all. I must have stood there for what seemed like 10 mins before I recovered. Much to my relief Sam was totally oblivious to it because he was still ESL at the time.

BTW, your blog is timely, realistic and totally refreshing. Thank you!!

One of favourite comebacks was: a woman was asked of her China-borned daughter, "Was she adopted?" The woman then responded to the other woman and her son, "Did you squeeze him out of your vagina?"

Keep the faith, my girl!!

Jill said...

I know, it IS really annoying. I have 3 biracial children adopted from foster care and a daughter from Toukoul also. I never asked to be a walking advertisement for adoption, it just came with the territory I suppose. I hate it when people ask, right in front of my 11 yr. old son, "Are they brother and sister?" Yes, I say. "No, I mean REALLY brother and sister?" And my son gets a sad look in his eyes as once again he is reminded by others that you are only a "real" family if you share DNA. It upsets me that the validity of our family in constantly undermined whenever we go anywhere. But I really try to be gracious (hopefully not encouraging comments and questions, though). I'm with ya, sister!

Anonymous said...

We live in an area that has a large number of kids adopted from Asia so it always shocks me when someone does stop me. My "favorite" - I had my 2 bio kids who both have very light brown hair (almost blonde) and light green eyes. We were in a sporting goods store & the cashier asked my oldest daughter "is that your sister" pointing at our adopted daughter from China. Oldest daughter says yes & cashier says "oh yeah...I can tell...you look just alike" umm - WHAT?!? Or the question "where did she come froms?" Or the "I bet she was expensive" I usually just look at my sweet baby & say "honey, ignore the rude lady/man her/his mama never taught her/him manners." and walk on

lmk said...

LOL! If you think you hear about your kiddos all the time...try being the Mother of nine ranging in ages from five year old twins to a twenty-two year old grad student. My new line has become..."We're mormon and I'm the #3 wife." Leaves them speechless everytime.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha - I can only imagine how tiring it can be. You may need to die your hair dark brown, maybe that would help! But that might freak the kids out, hmmmmmm.

Ashton said...

I can relate and I am only 14 but I can relate! My favorite question asked was while at Publix pushing the two Chinese 3 year olds around in the cart was this conversation with a lady::
"Are they yours"
"Um, no. Just my siblings"
"Well you look just a like"
"They are from China"
"So you are adopted to?!"
"Do they cry in Chinese?"
ha, some people kill me (: Praying your situation gets better soon!

Anonymous said...

oops...meant to add a helpful hint. a family at our church adopted two girls from china, five yrs apart. but at the time of the 2nd adoption, they were both 5 and a half yrs old. when the second girl came home, our pastor asked us to keep a "hands off" approach because of the whole attachment thing. we were only allowed to smile and nod at her. this little girl came into our large church family and was allowed to explore people at her own rate. i think this helped her develop into the charming, assured darling she is today. perhaps your pastor could be as helpful. the favor was asked of folks before the family returned from china, not in front of the little ones! hope this helps. you shouldnt have to stay away from worship. mrs.k.

Michelle said...

Oh yes, I can relate. With two from Colombia and one from Taiwan we get some doozies. Is she nice? That's a new one though, lol. I did have a cashier ask me once if I was infertile!! LOL!! :)

Lesa said...

I get you, but think of this if you will....at least they aren't giving you glares like why did you go and do that. I've had my share of they are so cute and she is beautiful, and how did you get a boy from China? I thought they liked boys...)
It really doesn't bother me as much anymore. We are from a small town now and we use to live not far from you at one time; so actually I can tell you that small town isn't so bad in comparison. lol

After all, we did adopt children that are darn cute and that others maybe deep down wish they could do this themselves. That is why I am so much better about it now... I just keep saying there are some looking and wishing they could do this too. How fortunate we are.

Laura L. said...

Whew! I'm glad you let some of that out. LOL. I am so sorry for what you go through every single day.
I can imagine that it must be so darn frustrating and exhausting.
Does it make you a snob? Absolutely not.

I only have one adopted child, but we've had lots of questions and I can sometimes "feel" others eyes on us, even when we don't get questions.

How about a sign that has all of the necessary answers and clips to your cart or stroller? :)

Any chance of sometimes having the kids stay with your husband and going out alone for groceries?

Jenny said...

Hi, I just found your blog yesterday by following a link to the "On Paining a Pretty Picture" post (and I have to go post a comment there also), but boy oh boy, do I get you. I just want to get in, get out, and get myself, my 3 yr old and baby, and groceries home without feeling like a freak show. I knew this would happen before we adopted our boys, but I couldn't haven imagined it would bother me so much. We just want to be normal like the rest of you!