February 9, 2011

picture me {im}perfectly

I hope/think/believe you already do.  Knowing that I am, alas, an imperfect girl in so many ways.  I’m often known for spilling the truth on the mothering/wife/being a girl gig – and it's certainly not ladled with much besides my messy life and the trappings of too much reality. 
I don’t often join in on the many blog exercises I see running around the pages I follow, but this one….well, it spoke to my sense of need.  The need for women to be able to speak out about what life is really like.  That it’s not, in fact, perfect.  That there are many days, many…, where you might want to throw in the towel.  Imperfect.  But still, it remains in the shadows for so many that would rather cover up the vulnerability of their humanity.  Hiding that {im}perfect girl that lives within each of us.  Darn her.  

So, I'm in.  Here is the setup:
Special nod to the creator of this blessed practice in honesty -
“picture me {im}perfectly is a weekly project to reveal that we don't have it all together.
i will post a picture me {im}perfectly blog post every wednesday 
where you will be able to link up to your blog
(or leave a comment) for the whole week (until the following tuesday) revealing that:
you are not picture perfect,
your kids are not picture perfect,
your house is not picture perfect,
your crafts are not always picture perfect,
let's encourage, inspire and remind other women that none of us have it all together.”

OK.  So....
...onto my own {im}perfect life.  Last year (and I know I'm stretching it here., but it has really stuck with me)..we were taking family pictures. Correction: trying to take family pictures.  For Easter.  And I was snapping off all these great shots of the kids and it was...well, great.  But then came our turn to be a family of four for the lens, and we got a couple sorta cute pics and whatever.  I think I even posted them on the blog.  For all of you.  Remember?

Well, here is the {im}perfect truth.  And frankly, it ain’t pretty, people.  Nope.  Not a bit.  I get easily frustrated.  I’m short of patience these days.  Take it up with God.  I have no idea why.  I’m annoyed.  In general.  And bless the man who married me, because he puts up with it all the time.  And when you try to deny to yourself that you’re that person…the one who is yelling and annoyed and annoying to be around?  When you try really hard to pretend you’ve got it all together? 

Oh forget it. 

I give you…{im}perfection:

“Stop cracking jokes and take the friggin’ picture already!  Do we have all day? 
Good grief…I’m aging here.  My kids are impatient to get down and eat chocolate.
I am impatient to get down and eat chocolate. 
Can we cut to the chase and take a picture like we’re happy already? 
For crying out loud…” 
(or something to that {im}perfect affect)

“Oh really?  Another temper tantrum?  You can’t just take the picture?
Why?  Because you didn’t just get a gazillion bite-size pieces of chocolate in your basket? 
You didn’t get spoiled all the live long day?
I’m so tired of this.  Just take the picture! 
What, are you TWO or something?  Jeesh.” 
(she seemed to say)

Do you know what I see when I look at this picture?  Ugly behavior.  Things not working out  according to my mental perfect plan – for whatever reason, and all that crappy behavior coming to the surface.  I mean, that first one…holy cow.  And to be honest, I think it was mostly in jest – because we had been joking around there as well – but just seeing it…knowing that there are many times that my behavior – much the same as what you see here – is not in jest.   And that is my life. 

The good news?  Forgiveness.  Mercy.  A new day to work harder on it.  Grace.  Of a loving Father and a loving husband.  I am certainly a work in progress.  And it’s not always pretty. 

So no matter what you might think of how perfect other peoples lives are – blogging is not often the best platform for that.  Bloggers let you see what they want you to see.  Not typically the imperfections – but the glossy version.  And in doing so, we can often get mixed up and confused about what is normal.  Especially when we perceive other women have it all together.  Especially then.

Is it normal that I can’t get my house clean?
Is it normal that I can’t corral my kids?
Why can’t I craft like that?
Why can’t I cook like her?
Why can’t I have the latest Coach bag?
(sorry, that last one was my inner desire spilling out towards the keyboard)

But in all seriousness…

picture me {im}perfectly.  From now on.  Promise?


hill said...

wow. thank you so much for your raw honesty! i hope and think and pray that this is going to move hearts in blogland. thanks for linking up.

Alyson said...

I joined in the fun. Makes me feel normal. =)

Anonymous said...

Hey!!! Wasn't it me trying to take those "perfect family pics"??? Are you trying to say my photography skills aren't....perfect??? Anyway, totally get it!! It's a very rare moment that I feel perfect....as I sit her and type with a toy filled living room, hungry family, and general chaos surrounding! LOL!!

Valerie said...

FINALLY, one of these links I can actually relate to, and yes, even be motivated to participate in.

That has been my reason for lack of blogging the last couple of years, so tired of trying to always be upbeat and present a "pretty" picture.

I just want to be ME and able to havce real thoughts and observations.

BTW, I love all the facets of you, particularly the fact that you want the happy picture even when you aren't feeling it.

Love V

The Gang's Momma! said...

Love, love, love..... I am annoyed and annoying. Been a rough winter of annoying annoyances. I have little else to say :)

Kayce said...

LOVE this Christie!