I started today the same way that I have started the past five mornings at La Cabin: with a cup of ridiculously good coffee. And today was special, because it was just cool enough to sit outside and enjoy that good cup of coffee.
And so there I sat, sipping and thinking. And there my sweet boy sat across from me, playing away with his cars. And baby-girl still sleeping in her cozy bed.
And AB’s parents commenced with a ritual they’ve been doing for years. And no, it’s not walking the dogs – although that’s certainly something they’ve been doing as long as I’ve known them. No, instead it was this…
and that got me thinking about life, then love, then family, blessings, and all the things under those lists that we take so for granted. Do I take them for granted? Sometimes. Maybe more than I’d like to admit.
Sometimes I’m underwhelmed with being me. Can you relate? Can’t we all? There’s too much that needs fixin’ on this version of me to ever really feel satisfied. And that often bleeds over into my parenting. Too much I do wrong. Too many mistakes. Not enough enjoying the moments and all the little things that make them who they are.
And sometimes, I’m overcome with how fast it’s slipping away…and I’m sad to see it go and begging it to stay, often missing the fact that I’m the one pushing it along and hurrying it out the door. For selfish reasons, I admit.
And that crushes me. Because it’s going fast enough on its own without me there shoving it along.
He’s growing up fast enough.
And 2 is giving me a run for my middle-aged money. I’m not even sure what 3 will look like – and honestly, I’m a little afraid. But too often that is where my focus lives. The propelling it…him…forward. Longing for a time when he doesn’t do such and such anymore.
And what a sad thought it is for me…when these are no longer the little smiles, little eyes and little boy on the other side of my lens.