May 2, 2011

Say who what now?

It’s been a difficult few weeks.  Not gonna lie.   Lots of sick running amok.  Lots of tantrums and the usual there with Quint’s speech and the physical aggression.  And I need a vacation, but that’s SOOOO off the radar at the moment.  Anton has been working an insane amount of hours.  Our house is a train wreck.  Don’t ask.  I can’t do it right now.  I can’t.  It’s a lost cause and I’m not fighting that right now.  I love you, Mr. House.  Really I do.  Let’s just look at all that dust as a way to keep yourself warm, what with a drop into the 40’s today.  (from 92 on Saturday.  yes.)

Lots of wanting to post certain things on the blog, and realizing my limitations to care for myself (sick) and two sick kids.  And, I failed in the biggest way to note that we celebrated ten years married a week ago.  And for that I feel so sad…how could I miss that mark on the blog?  What a shame!  I might need to make up for it with a post, just because it will make me feel better.  How about Easter?  Totally failed on that one too.  And here’s the sad part – my kids did not get to do any celebratory things because of being sick and time and scheduling.  FAIL.  There’s always next year?  Maybe?….(trails off as she hangs her head)

And there’s this:  It’s so much pressure to feel like I’m letting you down somehow, when a week has gone by and I’ve been posting nothing.  Pressure.  I hate that I let myself feel that way.  It’s not you, obviously – since I don’t even have comments any more.  But I still feel this need to keep you all in the loop.  We’re going to call that my desperate need for community in the midst of the storm.

Someone asked me if I’m depressed.  Ummm, yes.  I think that’s kind of apparent, no?  But I don’t feel clinically depressed.  I feel situationally depressed.  Make sense?  Meaning, between everything we have going on right now – I am a little down.  On the other hand, life does hold meaning – I love my family – and I am quite content in my spirit that God has His merciful hand on us no matter what.  I know happier days will be coming – and that this too shall pass.  Depressed?  A little bit.  Hopeful?  Always!!

Many of you have reached out to ask about Quint and the latest is that he’s doing pretty well.  His speech/sensory issues are a work in progress and I suspect will take quite a while to sort through and out.  His recent illness concerned me because what started as a cold for the rest of us – morphed into something far worse for little Q.  Instead of getting better, he started regressing and getting fevers and waking up in the night.  So I took him to the doc of all docs (we kinda think his ped is spectacular) and that’s when we got to the “say what” portion of our week.  After two bouts of the Croup, two separate cases of draining ears and infections, and a few colds thrown in for good measure…

Quint needs surgery to remove his tonsils, adenoids, and needs tubes in his ears.  A fairly common surgery, but one that  we hope will render some really great results for Quint.  Many of you know that he came home from Ethiopia with puss draining from his perforated eardrums.  More recently, we noticed that when he gets a common cold – it’s once again turning into puss filled draining ears.  His nose has given him grief for three years – with what feels like constant drainage.  I can’t imagine how he struggles.  Not able to articulate how he’s feeling – and yet being so miserable.  How frustrating for him!

So, we’re now on a path for surgery and saying prayers that this will be a big difference for him.  Maybe for the speech.  Maybe for the sensory?  I don’t know, and don’t claim to know how all of these things might tie in to make a very frustrated child feel more aggressive and have trouble speaking.  But I’m holding on to a small hope that maybe – just maybe – this might make a big difference for him.  Just a hunch…

So there it is.  And with that, I’ll leave you with this darling little picture taken this weekend while spending a fab-o time with our besties.  It was a Royal weekend after all – and you can’t tell two 3-year old boys that they can’t dress up with their sisters…no matter what the costume is!

Cheers from the funny farm…