I went back through and found this old post that I wrote. It is clearly much less tongue in cheek than I originally intended, at the rate we're going now....
Here goes:
I started thinking I might want to write a letter to my daughter, wherever she is...so here we go: Ahem...
Hi Keira! Here's a recent picture of Mommy...I know it's not what you expected, but just you wait. I will be able to do all the stuff the other Grandma's can do! Don't you worry! By the time you get here, I will only be 67. That's not THAT bad. Mommy heard about a woman on the news who gave birth to a baby at 70. Don't worry about Daddy, he wanted to send a picture too, but he didn't hear me when I called for him - but he is still alive and kicking. At least, most of the time. Whew, it's almost time for bed here...7:00...but I want to get this letter off to you, so I'm going to finish it up...
I've been thinking about how nice it will be to teach you to walk! Won't that be great?!? My knees aren't what they used to be, so I might need a few minutes to straighten out after bending down to reach for you...in fact, better skip the bending altogether. Mommies hip is acting up again, ever since the Red Alert button on my Life Braclet broke and I was stuck on the bathroom floor for nine hours. I tell you, the hospitals aren't what they used to be! There used to be places you could go and younger people would be there too...and babies being born...now it's only old folks wearing diapers and hollering obscenities at the staff. Well actually, that was just Daddy...but don't worry. He only drools sometimes now...
Where was I? Oh yes, I wanted to tell you how much I can't wait to hold you and sing you lullabies! Of course, my memory isn't what it was when I started this adoption...back then I used to know lots of...what was I saying? Oh yes, singing...hmmm...Mommy keeps forgetting what we're talking about. Daddy says my memory is slipping, but actually, that's just his way of telling me that my memory is slipping...wait...didn't I just say that? Better move on... I've been knitting you a few things here lately. Just since we started the process. It keeps my mind occupied while we wait for you, but Daddy says you won't need to have eighty-six blankets. I just keep telling him that having a lot of blankets is good for aches and pains in your legs. What does he know?!? He still thinks I'm silly for getting one of those red ropes installed in front of your room and putting a sign in the door that said "keep off carpet". I was afraid someone might mess up what has now become an antique collectors paradise of "baby items". We have people come by the house all the time to view the "Window to the Past Nursery" (I made that name up - do you like it?) and I have started charging for admission. Can you believe that when we started the process to adopt you, our home was brand new? But don't worry...Mommy will definitely get the inspector out to check for dry-rot and un-safe structural conditions before you come home.
My, oh my, how time flies! Why it seems like just yesterday Daddy was helping me install handrails in the shower and next to the toilet. Here's the best part, Mommy had a new ramp installed outside so I can get in and out of the house faster with my walker. Don't worry though, I only use the walker sometimes. Usually only when I'm standing...or walking. Daddy has to borrow it on occasion, ever since he forgot to open the sliding door before he walked through it. I think his eyesight might be getting a little weak. The other day he asked me where his glasses were and they were right on his eyes! Can you believe that? Speaking of glasses, I got my very own tri-focals this weekend! We might need to be careful when we snuggle, because I don't want to scratch you with them, but Daddy sure likes them on me! He says I look two or three years younger with them on...isn't that nice?
Well, Mommy should go. My back is hurting and my corns are acting up. I wonder if Daddy will rub some Bengay on my shoulder? I hurt it the other day when I was eating. Picked up the fork, and ouch! Course, my hips have been saying "ouch" every time I picked up a fork for the last forty years. What can you do?!?
I love you sweetie! Hope you can come home soon...if you want to write back, just send it to the same address, and they'll forward it to the old folks home if we've moved there. Daddy says the old folks home is for slobbering diaper wearing loud old men, and I said "and you're point is?"
Love you and can't wait to see you!
-Mommy
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Just in case anyone was wondering how I was feeling about our adoption lately...
15 comments :
OMG, that is a crack up! I totally sense the frustration with this dayum wait.
I havent laughed that hard in a long time!!!
heehee!
You are hilarious. I sure hope this doesn't come true!
I love the line about the past nursery. How True! I've stopped buying trendy clothes because I am afraid that by the time she will be able to wear them they will be so out of style the other babies at play group will make fun of her. :)
Very cute, accurate and funny!
During all the madness of the wait, I keep reminding myself that it is not my right but a privilige to adopt from China. My heart knows it but my head, not so much!
Way too funny!
That is way funny... That is really how we all must feel.Well I a big whole 2 months down today.. YEAH..
Have a great day.
Kim
First time visiting your blog today...but just HAD to post about that hilarious...and oh so true...letter!! lol
Thanks for the smiles!!
Dawn
LID 04/05/06
I love it! This is the first time I've visited your blog and am so happy to have done so! You've brought a smile to my face...I think...either that or it's just gas. You know how it is these days. Losing control of everything at my age!
Thank you! What a great post!
OMG that is so funny, that's what I was thinking right up until a few weeks ago.
I was imagining being 90 and then being on my death bed and saying...wow we never did get that referral did we???
Luckily it does eventually happen...although sometimes it feels like it never will!!
Tee hee!
Keep smilin!
We must be psychic sisters or something. I was just thinking the very same things. :)
As always, thanks for the laughs! I feel your frustrations BTDT!
That was hilarious!! We're waiting for our 2nd daughter, and I've been feeling very frustrated. The other day, we hit our 9-month LID anniversary date and it just really got to me. Anyway, this post definitely made me laugh. Oh, and my 3-year-old daughter walked in while I was reading your post and, after seeing the cartoon pictures, said "Grandma"!! I'm not kidding ...
Too funny even if it is sad!
Kristi,
You hang in there. I am sure you will still have your real teeth when you get your little girl.
Momma Martha
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