I've thought about posting....thought about where I stand and how I feel about this woman sending the child back
...and actually, I'm just sad about the whole thing. Front to back and through and through...
For the children. For the adoptive parents. For the waiting families. For the whole community.
What are your thoughts?
11 comments :
Hi Christie-
I am right there with you. Sad, sad, sad. I think Martha Osborne from Rainbowkids.com said it best.
"Sad, sad news over the last week. There has been great outrage, anger, blame and finger pointing over the disrupted adoption of a 7-year-old Russian child and his abrupt return to Russia over this last week. Today it has been announced that Russia will suspend adoptions to the USA. During this time, I have wondered, "where is the outrage for the thousands of children who are housed in hopeless institutions with minimal care and daily abuse from the other children?"
The exact conditions that may have traumatized this young child and greatly contributed to this situation, are barely mentioned. No one absolves the mother.She had options and chose to do something outrageous and selfish. But her actions are only one part of this. The unspoken rule is that those of us who work to find homes for these children must never, never criticize the governments that allow these wretched institutions to continue. Adoptive parents must be grateful...and silent, to insure that international adoption continues, and a few lucky children find peace in a family of their own. Volunteers must quietly work to make changes in the orphanages, for fear of offending those in power. Yes, this story makes me very upset, and sad for all of the children who will now continue to suffer. And for the families who have waited, longingly, to give their love to these children.
And now we wait, with our only hope once again in the hands of government policy makers. I suggest that the meeting scheduled for the 20th take place in the largest, most rural orphanage that can be found in Russia. Let our governments meet, and come to their decision, surrounded by the children's lives and futures that hang in the balance."
~Martha Osborne
As a child who was abandoned by my mother at age 12 ( http://growinguplost.wordpress.com/2009/02/12/the-day-my-life-forever-changed/ ) I am really irked.
My mother said she just wanted to get rid of me because I was interfering with her social life, but when criminal charges were threatened, she changed her tune quickly...
This woman keeps coming up with more and more things as people dig deeper and deeper. To make matters worse, it's been shown that she told her agency things were going so well that she was persuing a second adoption...
Honestly, I think she's looking for any excuse at this point. She never took the child to a therapist. She didn't enroll him in school. The neighbors rarely, if ever, saw the boy... All the help she sought was online, and never in person. If she really cared, she would have had him in a therapists office or a hospital... not on a one way ticket back to Russia... alone...
Something is NOT adding up.
Oh, this topic weighs heavy on my heart... I feel for this little boy who has lived through more life altering experiences in 7 years than most people experience in a lifetime. I am outraged at this mother (and the term adoptive mother IRKS me, but that's a story for another day) who could not deal with a situation and sent this CHILD ALONE on a TRANSATLANTIC flight with a NOTE to picked up by a STRANGER in a city different from where he was originally from... Really, I am speechless. Clearly, I don't know the whole story. I really hope I don't know the whole story, bc what I know just shames me... That someone can take vows so lightly and send a little boy away like that. And my heart breaks for the waiting families - we got stuck in the wait for reaccreditation back in 2004 and we were broken hearted... Enough, off my soapbox... Just sad...
Christie,
It just is bad for the rest of us who want to adopt again, are waiting etc. This mom obviously had some issues and did not seek the appropriate help in the US. Or did not keep knocking on doors until she could find help, whether it was disruption etc.
I know of a China adoption at my school where the mom got back to the states and didn't want ot be a mom. The child was readopted and is a great second grader. Then I know of someone who had issues and let their child go with the family who adopted his orphanage bro.
This mom did not do the right thing and it makes our future adoption oportunities be more scrutinized...
however, I must continue to pray for all those involved for healing, guidance and strength...
Christy B
I've really tried to steer clear of this whole situation because I honestly don't know how bad the situation was in that home. I just can't fathom how bad it must have been to go to such lengths. I know that my forever meant forever and peeling my adoptive child away from me would only happen from my dead rigor mortis hands.
Not sure what is happening here or what to think but the media is miss-reporting the story all over the place. Also don't forget Russia and Adolf Putin would like nothing more than to exploit this and embarrass the United States. I really wonder what pushed them mother and what Russia "forgot" to tell her when she accepted the child.
soon2b3withmadison.blogspot.com
I personally think there is a lot more to this story then we know..he was not enrolled in school or homeschool..neighbors did not see him outside.
BUT..I would rather someone put a child on a plane then harm them in anyway..I hope he finds someone to love him and if he does have all the probles she is saying he does I hope he gets the help he needs..as for her, get a fish from a carnival as they do not last more then a week or two instead of a child!
Sad, that is how I felt the moment I saw the news. I don't know the entire story but what Terry Hansen did was wrong. Everyone knows the HUGE amount of paperwork parents have to do when they are adopting a child. A child...not a puppy, not a cat...a child. We all remember the "check list" of what we could handle and what we couldn't. Now I am not saying that there have not been times that families have gotten more than they felt they could handle but there are no guarantee with parenting. I could have a child naturally and there may still be problems. I didn't adopt because I wanted a perfect child. I wanted more than anything to be a mother. Mothering takes work! The boy was 7 years old! Of course he would have so emotional problems in some form or another. My daughter had some attachment problems and she was 11 months. Did she take the child to the doctor? Did she give it some time? She had him less than a year!!
The way this woman just sent him back (by himself!) was terrible!! She didn't even do it- she had her mother do it! No mother would have done that. I fell in love with my daughter the moment I saw her. She was mine and I was going to do all that I needed to help her grow into a successful and loving adult.
Again, Terry Hansen left him. By doing such a horrible act, she then left thousands of parents in horrible pain. I could not image seeing my child, holding my child, and getting ready to go back for my child and then..."No! You can't have him/her." Some stupid woman ruined for all the great parents.
So you asked for our thoughts. I was so sad for the parents that just lost out on what I have and you have and all the other adoptive parents have...We all have our kids home with us.
All we can do it pray that this all works out.
Sharyn
You know what I think -
www.headsup07up.blogspot.com
Sad situation -- but let's learn from it!
When I was a child, my parents taught me that adopted children were damaged. They sadly had this prejudice that children who were adopted in our neighborhood were strange. Unfortunately, this case gives outsiders reason to say...."see, we told you so." The belief that all adopted kids are so damaged that they will burn your house down and drive you to despair may have just been further entrenched in those who are afraid of adoption. It is unfortunate that one case can undo all the thousands of positive stories in many ways. Incidentally, I heard on NPR yesterday that Russia has not come to a final conclusion on this. The Ministry of Education is the proper organization that handles adoptions in Russia and they will have a meeting with our administration during the Nuclear Summit next week. Let's all pray that some positive change comes from this meeting.
I think it is so sad. The mom really needed help. It doesn's sound like she looked for it.
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