Maybe you're just wondering what's taking so long
What is there to say that's taking so long to say it? maybe you wonder
The truth is, you could click a hundred other blogs and read about a trip to Chin@
You could do that right now
Invariably they would tell a similar experience
A plane ride, a hotel or maybe four
exotic food or not, a crib in the room waiting
site-seeing and pictures
the excitement
the blur of emotion
That Moment
all the paperwork after
the bonding
the fatigue, being ready to come home, and the plane ride
the jet-lag and all that it entails and the new life that continues on and starts over
And I could do that too
I could
It's similar in a blurry kind of way, I guess
If you squint and stand behind the line
You could read it that way
I could read it that way
I'd like to read it that way, actually
I'd like to write it that way and leave it alone
but I can't
I've tried
I just can't
it's not truth
it's not me
it's not her
after four years...no, more than that
the telling deserves better
in this situation
because I think you know
you must at this point
that The Moment and the many after
have not been easy
have not been simple or peaceful or quiet
have not been lovely
if you're outside looking in, some of them have been
a few of them
and when she sleeps, it's as if they all have been
but that's not truth
and I want you to have the truth, actually
because it matters
it does
for you who are waiting
for you who are home already
for you who also feel it but have not verbalized it
for me
and for her
it matters
it's her story and it's worth telling
pain is not pretty
but there is beauty underneath it
it matters
and I promise to share it with you
I just need time
for me
and for her...
13 comments :
My friend adopted a beautiful Chinese girl at the age of 3. They have a very close bond with lots of love, but my friend shared how the first 6 months were not so sweet. Her daughter would cry uncontrollably for 45 minutes and not want to be touched. Because of the language barrier, my friend pointed to things to find out what she needed. Lots of patience! 5 years later, and what a bond. The first time, her daughter said, "I love you," just melted my friend's heart. Hang in there - the rewards will be great!!
I agree with you, we've all had more than enough time to learn the outline of the story.
The truth lies in the details, and many people who are waiting have not been privy to the myriad of details that come after the "day", that is after all only one day, the beginning of the real story, many chapters are yet to follow, the rest of the story is where you gain understanding.
Take your time to tell the story as it is unfolding.
I understand.
Love V
What a lovely photo! So peaceful!
praying for you, for your baby girl. i applaud you for your genuine honesty.
your words are eloquent. We wait...
God bless you and hold you and your family during this time. We did not have this extreme sorrow. Wen was just very clingy and you can see the sorrow in her face the first six months of photos.
Take your time, hold those children tight.
Thanks for sharing from the heart.
Christy Bailey
Mom to Wen july 05
I have been following your blog. I am not a professional, but I have been around the "Chinese adoption" world for over six years now. After reading about your child's grieving, I was surprised to learn she is so young. I would not have expected a child this young to grieve for so long (I know a month is really not that long, considering all she has been through, but typically babies don't develop stranger anxiety until 9 months or so). So far, I have only heard of such reactions with children 12 months or older. Have you ruled out medical issues?
I wish you all the best.
Find your peace... I am still looking for mine as well. :) Big hug from California!!
I pray for mother and daughter to find each other. Time.... Patience....
I will wait for the happy ending !!! From your Kentucky Friend,
been there, done that. take all the time you need!
((hugs))
Christie, we have walked this road with Bohden as well. I know that gives you little comfort but I can tell you it is all worth it. That bond WILL develop and it will be a strong one, unbreakable. Bohden was 4.5 months when he came home, age doesn't dictate emotions. Hang in there right now it feels like forever but soon it will be just a raindrop on a beautiful lilly, barely noticeable.
Lots of prayers for all of you.
Heather Chocholaty
I could have written this post with our last 3 adoptions. In fact, it is very true of our journey right now. I appreciate this post so much!
:-)
-Nicole
www.bakerssweets.blogspot.com
I love these sorts of posts. Not because I rejoice in the pain, but because I adore the truth.
I understand the pain, the struggle and the depth of heartache these little ones have endured. I don't understand comments like the one above from anonymous to think that a child under a year old would not have memory of their life's experience. Those sort of comments keep the ignorance flowing. Babies feel, remember and experience, thus the reason why I spend an hour of my day teaching my daughter all things infantile that she missed during her 1-12 months of life.
Keep on keeping on...she'll get there and so will you all as a family. & a beautiful family it is indeed!~
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