February 8, 2010


 Photo taken by AB ~ Guangzhou, China

Right now, we're resting
Putting into words what we experienced as a whole

it's just too much for now

even though I keep pondering it

thinking about it

hoping to expend the vastness of it

put it down somewhere

somewhere that it can be looked at later as a tiny roadbump

or maybe just a season

to be honest
We're still tired

Still emotional

Still forcing our tired bodies and minds to recall the timezone

and the children,

they're resilient, yet they too are resting in many ways

We've had a life change that supersedes most all the others

Life and Loss take priority and top spot among all changes

we're celebrating new Life

but our little one is still mourning deep Loss

so we are sharing two extremes
and finding them not ready just yet to meet in the middle

we prepare for what we can, even four years worth of preparation

we make way for change

but you can't really prepare fully

you can't know before hand what will be after

how it will look
how it will feel

how it will rest on your heart or your soul

You can wait and watch and listen

you can love and be still

love and be still some more

you can't expect

you can't arrange things neatly

you can't do anything to speed it along

just love and be still

Right now, we're resting

Resting our bodies, our lungs, our still tired limbs...

Resting our minds and our thoughts...

Resting our reflections and our emotions...

We're resting

When the story is ready to be told
I'll be writing it as I have done before

Love your children...and be still


Grandma Sherl said...

So beautifully written. What a beautiful family you have. Best Wishes!

The Gang's Momma! said...

"you can't expect" - sooo true! hang in there, the progress will move forward, even if it seems microscopic some days. it will.

i'll pray for you as i go about my day today.

MommaT said...

Beautifully written!

Christy said...

rest my friend. There have been so many new changes and as you so beautifully put it, you need to rest.

Big Hugs,


Stephanie W. said...

I am so glad you blog these things! It really helps me with our process. I know everyone has a different story, but if I can mentally prepare with some ideas...thank you again.

Kim said...

I will be here when you are done resting..
love ya tons..

Eloise said...

You have SUCH a gift with words, Christie, such a beautiful way of expressing the deeply felt sentiments of that vast, bottomless heart of yours.

You are a wonderful wife and mother. Trust your instincts on how to nurture your family the best right now. You are immensely wise and resilient.


Kelly & Todd said...

Thinking of you often, and wishing the best for you all as you meld together as a new family of four.

-- kelly :-)

Anonymous said...

That picture of the flowers is great. Glad you are trying to rest and hope you are feeling much better. ~Holly

Ani said...

You are such a wonderful writer. Rest your soul, your body and your heart... so you can continue to provide for your beautiful family.
Can't wait to follow you on this side of your journey!

Michele said...

You write so beautifully what many of us feel upon coming home with a child who has deep, deep grief. We had a VERY difficult time with my second baby when she came home at 8 months old. People think that when you bring home such a young child, you can escape a lot of the issues associated with bonding, attachment, grieving. Well, that is not true. Be still...it may take a while, a long while, but you will all come out on the other side.
I can so relate to you..

Kristy said...

So beautiful Christie, take your time, I will be here and so will everyone else.

Love and blessings, Kristy

disneydoll37 said...

Christy - so beautiful and so true. We feel it too. Trying to deal with the new and blend it with what is....but the first time that little hand points to that plump cheek for a kiss, or runs to you for a big hug or for comfort. The grief is there in all of us somewhere just under the surface...and the loss of things we don't even remember. Love you all!! Ann