October 4, 2008

Danka

First of all, thank you all for your supportive comments and encouragement. It has been good for me to (a) get it out, and (b) be reminded that I'm pretty much in a very large pool of women who have felt (or are feeling) the exact same way.

I have three things to clear up and then I'll share some fun pics.

First, a reminder to my more critical readers - I work full-time from home. A job that requires frequent phone calls, conference calls, accounting concentration, and a tremendous workload. This contributes substantially to my feelings below. It is insanely difficult to shuffle both "supermom" and "superworker" in the same day, in the same space, in the same moments - with my all-boy, into everything, stubborn and strong willed, crafty little guy running around screaming at the top of his lungs. And not because he's crying. He's not. Screaming because, it's fun to scream and hear yourself, dontchaknow?

Second, some of you asked if AB was aware, what he thought, does he help, etc. So let me clarify that not only does he know, but he has been my biggest supporter. He is 100% engaged with Q - and he is overtly giving to me whatever I need to get through this bump. Whether it be time in the evening alone, extra sleep on the weekends, a trip to the store alone, a night out with my girls - he's ready and willing. In addition, he has bent over backwards to make sure that I know I have his full support - to the extent that we have decided I will cut back to part-time on my work to enable me to be more present with Q and not have to divide myself so much during the day between work and the baby. This will give me some much needed relief during my week. So, we're gonna need a lifestyle change pronto - but we both feel that's a sacrifice we're willing to make. Guess I better get to work on that "Empty Pantry" project I was thinking about...

Third, my own paranoia has me feeling like being that honest with my readers when I've got only a handful of months standing between being a family of three and a family of four - well, let's just say I'm feeling really vulnerable right about now - which is what I was afraid of, by sharing that post. So let me clarify something. Regardless of how I feel today - it does not change my love for Q. My own sense of ill accomplished parenting thus far, does not mean that we do not laugh or smile, or have fun - even several times a day. It does not mean he is not smothered in kisses and love and affirmation, and it certainly does not mean that he is not the light of our life. But even more, it does not mean that we do not love and long for Keira. We talk about her almost daily. It does not mean that because I'm in a rough spot, we are now dreading her arrival. Because we are most definitely not. In fact, part of analyzing where we're at now and how it's working and how it's not - is our way of assessing what needs to change before we add another child to the mix. i.e. cutting back work to be more present with the kids. So, just wanted to clarify...we love our girl!

I managed to get out of the house a few times this week, and I have to say - that may be where I've been missing the boat. Getting out of the house made me feel quasi-human again. Who knew? I met with a friend for lunch, and she was - as usual - an absolute joy. Love you, Desi! I took Q to the mall one day, just so we could walk around and see something other than the four walls of our living room. We met Daddy for lunch another day, and that's always a treat. I just felt like I got to breathe a little more, by getting out of the house. We planned to visit Chuck*y Ch**se, which we affectionately refer to as "Chunk a' Cheese", but AB came down with a little bug called pneumonia (omg!) and so we've decided to stay in and feel better. Down time never hurt, eh?

So here's some pics we took this week and thanks again to all - I'll get through it...cuz that's what Moms do!

Lunch with Auntie Desi!! We LOVE us some Auntie Des!
We had a so much fun and Quint is clearly having a blast....


Momma's Boy - and I seriously love those four little teeth.
He makes the greatest faces with those teef.



Upside Down for Daddy! This boy LOVES playing with his Daddy (almost as much as Daddy loves playing with his boy...)


Ok, so let's discuss. I know it's not "common" to give an 11-month old powdered donuts. I realize this. But it's Saturday morning. And we're all together enjoying our breakfast and Daddy and Mommy are seriously doing damage to the donuts. Poor Quint. All he got was some lousy O's. So, we decided "what the heck!" It doesn't hurt - everything in moderation. So I give you...The Powdered Donut Loses Battle w. BOY. So darn cute!




Love and hugs!
cb

11 comments :

julie said...

Oh my gosh, that last picture is just too darn cute!

Cora said...

I agree with you writing everthing out like that really helps, I just wish I was brave enough to share sometimes. I think at every stage in our lives we have fears and sometimes they are just more present than others, take care.

Ok enough of the serious stuff, What else can those 4 teeth before except chowing down on that powdered dounut! Too Cute!

Jesi and Joe said...

Oh yum! I haven't had a powdered donut in AGES! Now I'm totally jealous!

You have been brave to make yourself so vulnerable. I hope no one judges you, and if they do, screw 'em. :-D Like I said before... I am RIGHT there with you! I LOVE my babies, but I definitely feel overwhelmed with the lack of ME time sometimes. I agree with you too... getting OUT of the house TOTALLY helps. I used to be WAY better about it, but with mobility has come twinkies (twins) that want freedom from the stroller so outings are a bit challenging right now! :-S

BIG HUGS. Hang in there. LOVE the pictures!

Andrea said...

You are doing great! Don't beat yourself up, he is thriving, donut face and all!

Mya said...

Quint is sooo stinkin cute! And very photogenic if I have not already said so.
Just wonderig if you have considered a mother's day out program in your area? Karlee goes to a program from 9-2 tues- fri while I work from home at a near by church.

blissfullycaffeinated said...

His little sugar face is so cute!

I hope AB is feeling better. Tell him I said get well soon!

Lots of love to all -

Jen

Kate said...

We all put on two faces - the one we have at home - no makeup, dark circles due to lack of sleep b/c of a 2y.o. w/what seems like chronic diarrhea, you get the picture. THEN we have the face we have to have for work and everybody else. I have finally (4 months ago) become the manager in my dept at work (a pharmacy). My kids are almost 6 and almost 3, so I figured what the hey. I can do this. THEN the 2yo gets diagnosed with an orange allergy and dairy allergy. My husband seems to think that it's still ok to give her mac and cheese - I guess he doesn't remember that cheese is made from milk. Guess who gets to stay up all night the the tummy ache? That's right - even tho I have a 12.5hr day the next day - he can't possibly stay up he as one of his college classes in the AM and he he has to go to work. NOT my fault he dicked around multiple times in college. I have been sooooo thankful for friends and collegues that have helped with babysitting so I can at least work part/most of my shifts. Parenting is humbling and hard and very rewarding. We need to stop beating ourselves up about feeling guilty. I say this, but I still feel guilty about dropping off the 2y.o. at daycare so I can go to the gym before heading in to work.

One more thing, it's flu shot time. I know you hate syringes, check with your md or pharmacy and see if they have Flumist. It is a nasal spray vaccine. It is a live vaccine (as opposed to an inactivated one), so it could cause flu-like symptoms, BUT as a live vaccine, it gives a better immune response.

Kate
katherin.johnston@sbcglobal.net

S.Wise said...

I look forward to the day when I can talk to you about these things! :) Until then... I wait and look at cute pictures of your sweet Quint!!!

Elisa. said...

I missed out commenting on your last post.
It is so tough being a mom, Thomas my first was pretty easy going after the baby phase but Zoe is seriously hard work. Sometimes I am racked with guilt thinking she deserves better..someone with more patience. I hope it all gets easier.
You are not on your own!

crazyproctors.blogspot.com
(fortune cookie monsters)

Anonymous said...

I LOVE the pictures, soo cute!! I definitely think cutting back your work to part time will be so great for all three of you; what an awesome solution. You are a wonderful family and Quint & Keira (hope the stork is on his way very soon)!! are so blessed to have you as their mommy, though I'm sure you feel even more blessed to have Quint (and soon Keira, too)! as yours! I sure do w/ my two. Your baby boy is happy and thriving because of the love you shower him w/ every day. You are thriving as a mom too...who doesn't encounter a few pot holes in the road along the way!?? God Bless, ~Holly

PrincessandPirates.com said...

Girl, didn't we have some fun and good talkin' at lunch that day... SO when are we doing it again... Maybe at your casa or wherever!!! Love ya, and the family....