September 22, 2006

!@$%#^&%@& ANTS!

Who told freaking "Timmy" that having a little Ant Farm would be cute? Who ever decided to invite these annoying, horrible, nasty little things into their house in the first place? Some fool who later found them vastly multiplied and only a small sign in the farm that said "Moved to the Pantry" - I guess that's when he finally understood why some things are better left to Raid.

Do I sound bitter? Well, I AM!!

Tonight as AB and I were wrapping up the evening and getting ready to feed the animals and head to bed, AB yelped and said "Babe...you better come and look at this". I ran to the kitchen and low and behold...the little !@(*&$#@ were all over the dog feeding stations, all over the food that is contained inside them...all over the $$$$ KACHING KACHING KACHING expensive food that Kaleigh has to eat because she is allergic to everything else. Streaming in a neat thick line all the way across the kitchen from behind the fridge. I said..."GET THE RAID!" Yes, we mopped afterward - sort of. And yes, we washed all the pet dishes, bowls, etc. Yes, we fed the dogs elsewhere. And yes, we huffed and puffed and a few choice words got said towards the little buggars. This was not how we wanted to end our night. But it got better, oh yes it did!

Moments later, AB went to deliver Miss Kitty her food in the laundry room, and he came back with a bowl in his hand and said "you won't believe this!" Don't tell me...you don't have to, I said. Guessed it yet? YEP! !@#@#@%$#%%^%&* All over the laundry room, swarming all over Miss kitty's dry food and all over her little dish from last night of wet food...not that there was anything but a few dry crumbs in it. Poor kitty! So we rush to spray and clean and mop, and wash the dishes and feed kitty in the master bathroom. By now we're sweating. And P.O'd. Big time. These little jerks were doing the party dance all over my house... So, now that we're de-stressing from the pet drama...I open the pantry to get out the "Swifter". Good thing I did too....you say it for me this time! Go ahead...ALL OVER THE DANG PLACE. I'm telling you...these suckers were on steriods. Some of them were like four times the size of the average ant. They were huge. Others were small and quick...but not too quick for Raid. Muhhhaahahaahahahaahhhhh!

As we're now on our hands and knees trying to extinguish the life from several hundred ants, I am literally thinking they are the devils spawn.
I look at them and see little horns and beatty eyes...invading our home...our pets food...our food! Criminy, I'll be lucky if we all aren't dead by morning from the vast amounts of toxic Raid in the air. I do take some pleasure in the fact that the Ants that ventured in the house are dead. I picture that somewhere tonight in ANTLAND, all the little ants are lying on their couches watching the nightly news and listening to the breaking story of hundreds of workers trapped in a human house and exterminated via "The Gas". Missing Ants posters will be up by tomorrow morning and the ant factory will have to relocate for awhile...

But never fear...they'll be back. Oh yes, they always come back.

They find a way. And they always come back....

little !*&$#@&#$@#&@!!$*&#@!!



p.s. - Don't forget to read below on my post about Adventures!

7 comments :

Doris & Dan Clark said...

Yikes! Man the mini torpedos and send in the troop! That sound bad! Lesson learnt, Raid is your friend!

Good luck with keeping them away.

Keep smilin!

Robyn said...

I crack you up???? Well, let me tell you, you CRACK me up!! Just imagine last night while I was on a mission with a flashlight you were running around the house spraying Raid. Quite a pair we make!!

Kelley said...

Can't. Catch. My. Breath. Hysterical! I think that we just make our homes way too comfy for these little buggers -- air conditioning, food in shiny little bowls near the floor -- heaven! You need to talk to Chuck about how he creates that "barrier of death" around our house with some toxic cocktail that evil buggies cannot cross!

Shelli said...

They always come back. We had ants in our bathroom for awhile. We killed them with bug killer. Days later a few more would show up. We realized there was a big ant hill on the edge of the house where the bathroom is. Put ant killer down. That was the end to the bathroom ants. A couple of weeks later they showed up in our pantry. Does that stuff that you put on ant hills really work, or do they just move?

Colleen said...

EEEEKKKK! I hate creepy crawly things!! So sorry about that happening...although the story was freaking FUNNY!!!!

Stacy said...

Missing Ant Posters?! That is so funny!!!

I have a dog named Kaeliegh! I have a dog on that expensive food, because she can't eat anything else. Who says having a dogs is easy?

Good luck with the war, sounds like you won the first battle!

Mom said...

O M G Christie.....you are hysterical!! We all can't wait until you get here. We need a good laugh and I will be stocking up on dry panties!! You are your mother's daughter. Remember Amsterdam? As soon as we would kill them in one spot, they would move to another, again and again and again. They never did get the clue that our house was the city graveyard for ants. Oh well, keep on spray'n............Mom