November 3, 2010

and so Apathy sets in…

So I feel guilty.  Guilty that I haven’t posted yet.  And it’s been, well…a while.  It’s not because I have nothing to say.  It’s just because I haven’t felt the motivation to say it.  Any of it.  Some of it is sweet and fine and dandy, and other things are more serious and thoughtful and probably too opinionated.  And anyway, I’m wondering, contemplating that perhaps blogging is in a way, a dying art form any more.  Because I notice a lot of people have dropped off the map of blog-world.  And many people have resorted to Facebook only. 

And I’ll be the first to admit, it’s practically impossible for me to keep up with my blog-roll.  The list of blogs on my Google Reader alone is enough to overwhelm me – but actually making the time to sit down and catch up…it’s not pretty.  And some of you post daily.  Wowza.  It’s taken me three months to read “The Shack”.  I mean, I can’t even read a chapter of a book a day, let alone post every day.  Or read blogs every day.  And that kinda makes me a bad blogger.  Maybe a little bit of a hypocrite, because I love having you stop by – and yet, I’m not always able to return the favor.  Gulp.

Whew.  Got that out there. 

I think this hiccup in blogging comes from a deeper place.  There is a lot going on right now.  Life stuff – changes, decisions, and things that upset the norm.  And that’s enough right there to merit e-mails and phone calls from family and friends.  So, all of you out there – never-mind that.  Don’t call.  We’re fine.  We’re just in transition.  When you spend the last five+ years of your life in the adoption process – and then you find yourself “done” – you have to ask yourself, “what’s next?”  What now?  Where do we go from here.  We’ve accomplished what we set out to do – become parents.  And we’ve done that – with all sorts of wonderful added blessings we didn’t expect.  But now we’ve reached that big, huge goal.  And we’ve been able to re-adjust to having a new baby.  And we’ve had almost a year (yes, it’s almost been a year…) to get to know her and pull her into our hearts and lives.  And suddenly the transition period seems to finally be settling. 

We’re content.  (ish)

Do you know our family?  Intimately?  Those that do already know…we are not ones to sit in a place of “contentedness” for long.  It seems we are incapable.  There is too much life to live and too much to do to sit still for long. 

And so we’re praying for direction.  But we certainly feel the winds of change blowing in…and it’s getting a bit breezy here in the comfort zone.  If you pray, would you keep us in mind?  We would covet your thoughtfulness.

Do you ever feel that were it not for money, you could do a great many things? 

Yeah, me too.

Also?  I miss my parents terribly.  I cried and cried the day they left, and the next day too.  And it doesn’t matter we drive each other a little nuts.  I wanted to crawl in that truck with my two little babies and ride all the way back with them.  Instead, we sucked it up and waved like mad and blew kisses and sobbed our way back into the house after they drove away.  Distance?  For the birds.  And I don’t really understand the point of living so far away from the ones you love.  Life is too short for that.  When it’s all said and done, is it worth it?  I’m not sure it is.  Not at all.

Anyway, I think this could go on and on here.  I have many a post up in the old noggin – but I need to organize them. 

For starters?  I’m reading “The Strong-Willed Child”.  And it’s tremendously helpful.  And it’s for both of them.  Yes, both.  And I have much to say about it.  Amen.

I’m also not missing the fact that Christmas is cropping up around town and in stores and yes, even homes.  And I’m mixed up about it.  I love it, I hate it.  I love it, I hate it.  I’d just like to taste the turkey first…ya know?  Just a taste.  Meanwhile, I love this time of year.  It’s my favorite.  But I hate to see it go so fast and be stuck with January.  My least favorite month of the year.  And I feel like it’s slipping away…this year.  This 2010.  This year that my family of four finally happened.  Gone too soon…

I haven’t had TV for a year, this month.  A year.  Yes, we have Netflix, but it’s not the same.  There is no news.  No sports.  No Thanksgiving Day Parade with my kids for the first time ever.  Sob.  Another mixed bag of emotions about how dependent we are on the tube, as a society.  As a family.  And how that transition has helped and hurt.

Said it already, but we’re fast approaching our “Referral Day” anniversary for Missy Lou Lou.  December 2nd.  A day that I will never forget.  And right behind it, our Gotcha Day – January 18th.  So much to say about this past year – and I know I have said very little after the initial posts about our homecoming.  Still a painful topic – but I think I have some stuff brewing I’d like to talk about.

So there’s all that.  But I’ll wait.  At least another day or so.  Instead, I’ll leave you with my favorite pic of the week…just cuz.

I’m missing you all.  Truly, I am.


Jill said...

Your words could not mirror my own heart more exactly! WOW! Another incredible post from you!
Thanks Christie!

Valerie said...

I am thinking you
feeling you
sensing you
hearing you and know where you are coming from.

What's it all about Alfie?

I love this pic, can't wait to see the others and want to catch up for real - soon.

Love V

Briana's Mom said...

Oh my gosh. I just did a post a few days ago about "feelin' blue" and I talked about how I'm not sure where the direction of my life is going now. I'm feeling a lot like you right now.

Don't worry - stop by to say hi when you can. I still absolutely love my blog design. I think my new design has made me want to blog more. :D So thank you for that.

Holly said...

I so get you. Maybe it's still the jet lag, culture re-integration, newly adopted chld who isn't yet so fond of me? but I get you.
Thanks as always for keepin it real!

liasmomma said...

I think people put too much pressure on themselves to blog. I have a blog but I only put stuff out there when there is something exciting to tell, or I have super cute pics, etc. I don't know how people have time to blog once a day. For me it's an online journal and I can use a program like Blurb to print my blog into a book at the end of the year. You can't do that with Facebook as far as I'm aware. Plus some of my FB friends are people from high school that I haven't seen in years and I don't know that they would want to hear all the details about my life. They probably prefer a more "snapshot" view that FB affords. So I say keep blogging but do it at your own pace.

I enjoy reading your stuff - you're a great writer! And your kids are precious!!


Ani said...

Those are just the cutest two!

The Gang's Momma! said...

Totally with ya. So much to say, not enough time or coherent thoughts to say it all. Want to say lots, canNOT get away with saying much. Working out lots on our end here, too. Still reading, still stopping to gaze upon your little cutie pies. Just not much to say here or on my own. At least, not as much as is going on inside of me....

Susan said...

Honestly I think I've written before that I believe you are my soul-mate. You write the words verbatim that are in my head!

I wish you could "hear" the tone and intent of e-mail and/or posts because I am offering advice with respect and caution. I started reading books like the The Strong-Willed Child at the beginning of my journey parenting attachment-challenged children. I can only say that for my children -- and your experience in parenting seems to have mirrored by own -- it simply does not work for children with trauma histories. I feel as though I lost a lot of time and now view the many issues from a different perspective.

What's confusing is that you will find different opinions even within the adoption community. And here I am adding my own, right?! Sorry, as the song goes, I just wish I knew then what I know now.

I think you would say that primarily I try to use the Heather Forbes and Bryan Post therapeutic and parenting model. It feels best for me, it makes sense to me and so it feels right. Good luck in finding what's best for your family!

Kelley said... I was reading right along, and you lost me at "The Strong Willed Child." I now have to leave, go order that book RIGHT NOW, and then come back. We need that at our house. Oh, yes we do...times two!