We all know it. Deep down in our core - that little buried niche of ourselves we like to avoid as much as possible. Those things we don't let ourselves think. Thoughts we try to take captive the moment they spark. Images we squash before they can make it up from the abyss into our daily vision.
It's fear. Watch the news for ten minutes and you'll either sigh in disbelief or feel depressed. Life is fragile. Precious. Breakable. Finite. Short...
And in order to survive living in this life - I don't let myself go there. You know. There.
But the other day, we were out and about in separate cars. As we sauntered out of a store and to our vehicles, Anton, with Quint in his big strong arms, casually threw me a quick line as he strolled the opposite direction - towards his ride. "I've got the boy". While walking apart, I could hear Quint squealing with glee as he and his Daddy shared a tickle or some inside joke only Daddy's and boys tell each other.
But as they drove away I had a moment of panic. Those unpleasant thoughts...those grim feelings. All I could think was "my whole world just drove away in that car - both of them. Oh God, please protect them! Keep them safe! Don't ever take them away! They're everything to me!!"
And then I quietly remembered...He loves them more than I do.
It's so hard to let go...
Learning lessons everyday...
5 comments :
I struggle with this one every day but yes He loves them more. Having that trust and faith is hard.
I know those thoughts oh so well. I too haft to remind myself to put them in Gods hands and trust him. So much easier said than done!
I think we've all gone "there" from time to time.
Oh Christie I know exactly what you are saying..It is so weird that you posted that today because this happens to me everyday. Just wait until Quint and Keira are driving. Just the other night I was standing in the doorway at 11:00 p.m. watching Astrud drive up the driveway coming home from the movies and I started crying so hard thanking God outloud for bringing her home safely and for loving her the way only HE can!!! It is overwhelming it truly is and letting go is just soooo hard.
Love and blessings, Kristy
You just reminded me of this: I've heard of couples when flying to their vacation destination, they would travel on separate flights. The purpose? If (God forbid) one plane would crash, their child would be left with one parent.
I know that's not what this particular day's blog was about, but you just reminded me of it.
That feeling of panic is normal and testimony to how much you love your family, each separate member and the family unit. It's a wonderful thing (even if your stomach was churning and turning.)
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