September 9, 2009

Living outside the line

It's not that I'm not glad we're heading to the front of the "line".  I'm actually glad.  I am!  

I'm just so perplexed as to how to live outside the line.  

I've been in it for so long...nothing else seems realistic.  

Nothing else seems like a reality.  I don't even think I've fully grasped how close we are.  In fact, let me clear up that statement.  I have not.  

Because I still get frustrated if I think too long about the wait.  

I still get annoyed having to re-itterate the wait and the reasons behind it to others.

I still get just a little weensy bit manic when I start thinking about how our new life of FOUR will look and feel.

I still get sad when I walk past her room and see....well, all of it.  The crib, the clothes, the dolls, books, toys...all of it.  Her things.  Her stuff. 

Tonight I said to a fellow adoptive mom - "no one can truly understand it, until they have walked it" and she shook her head in agreement.

And don't feel left out if you can't or haven't.  This isn't the road you necessarily want to relate to.  

Quint's adoption - completely different.

Keira's adoption?  An emotional drain and complete strain on us for the past four years.  Wish I could sugarcoat that for ya, but if you've been there...then you know.

And don't worry - I'm well versed in the melting affect.  I know that the "wait" and all that ails me, melts away.  That's not what I'm lamenting.  

I'm sure we'll love Keira upside down and around again.  She's not the issue.

The process is what has taken our youth...if you will.

The process.  The process.  The process.

Getting it off my chest and signing off for tonight,



blissfully caffeinated said...

Wish I could give you a big hug. Hang in there, girl.


Lisa (Briana's Mom) said...

I know that the wait is absolutely grueling. I can't believe I have been home with Briana for over two years and our LIDs were only about 5 months apart.

When you see Keira's face for the first time, you will know she was worth the wait. She was the one who was meant to be your daughter.

frogglet said...

I agree you just can't explain it to anyone that has not leaved it. I can say following people like you that are much closer than I am have really helped the wait.
Take Care,

Andrea said...

Amen sister! I know it has completely changed my husband and me. I am not sure it has been for the better either!

Anonymous said...

We are just beginning "the process". Fun, fun, fun ..

Jennifer Porter said...

So sorry that the wait is so long. We are in the midst of a domestic adoption and although we have our daughter here, we are in the loooooooong process of finalization. We're being told we won't be able to finalize until the end of 2010 at the earliest.

Valerie said...

it's sucky - it just is, and yet somehow it works out aok...isn't that the amazing part of all of this. without the wait, no Q, and even though all things in our lives are eventually revealed and have worked out just so, we always doubt the next thing we have to wait on, and then we see the light, the truth, the whole picture the way G*d saw it all along. There is someone out there that knows your outcome and he has your back. Love you. How did he know we would be such good buddies? I didn't know, but he did.

Love V

Pug Mama said...

NO ONE understands it but those who have been in it - you are so right.
I remember my sister saying to me that it only felt "real" to her when I was actually in China getting Low-Low.
strap up baby - you are getting ready for one heck of a ride!!!

J said...

Christie, I'm sure your emotions are a rollercoaster right now. You are so very close to get your first glimpse of your newest family member. I can't wait to share the joy !!!