February 3, 2009

Two thirds and just plain tired of it...

Gosh. For the first time in 20 days, I was really tired of this challenge tonight. Not just a little bit tired of it...a lot tired of it.

After spending a day dealing with my cranky teething toddler man, I decided we needed to get out of the house. So we took a nice long walk around the neighborhood. Wear him out a little, you see. Well, it worked and second nap came and went. But still, the need to get out came upon me and I decided to get creative.

We packed a little lunch for Q-man and Momma grabbed up a $5 gift card for Sonic that I had been sitting on since my birthday. I figured, heck - if we're not spending money, what can it hurt.

So off we went to the mall and started our time by playing in the kiddo area. He had a ball - until he remembered he was hungry - which led to a mini-meltdown. So we went to the food court and headed for Sonic. Now here's where my story takes a "tired" turn. After carefully ordering three items from the $1 menu, (a small tot, a jr. burger, a small drink...seeing a theme here?) I handed over my gift card, only to find out that it only had a few dollars left on it and that I would owe $.08. Fine. Whatever. Here's your $.08. As we sat down, and I began to nosh on my burger and tots, I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. (insert chagrin and rolled eyes here). I was just so sick of this challenge, I could have puked. How silly was it that I carefully plucked through their stupid $1 menu and then couldn't even "afford" that? Even my attempt at being good, back-fired a little. And it left me feeling tired of it. Sick of trying to be good. Sick and tired of trying to figure out where our money goes every month (ahem). Tired of having to count out every expenditure and add up every penny. Just tired of it. I freaking have the money in my bank account to pay for a stupid meal at Sonic. I even felt a little self-conscience standing there at the counter and ordering so painstakingly careful while Quint whined and cried in his stroller. Just pitiful.

Once we finished eating, and I had some time to process how I was feeling - I did recall the real reason we are doing this. Because we spend too often, on too little, and have nothing to show for it. Because all those little swipes add up to an empty checking account. Not because we can't afford a burger and some tots...but because we can afford them that we all too often over-extend ourselves without even realizing it. The end of the month comes and we wonder "what the heck?"

Now we have an adoption to miraculously fund in the next six months, and if we don't suffer a little self-pity and strong willpower - then we'll find ourselves sitting out come referral time. And I'm not even kidding. The challenge wasn't just about eating out. It was about spending all the time - when there is likely no reason whatsoever to. And all that "no reason to" spending has really got to stop. Much better to say...bring our kids home. Or fund their college accounts. Maybe reduce some ridiculous debt that's just hanging on for dear life? But to look back and say..."yeah, we spent it on burgers and tots". Just pathetic.

Today's Menu: Sorry, once again - no pics. AB couldn't be home for dinner - so that's the reason I even had some gush to whine about above.

Breakfast - Cereal
Lunch - Egg Salad Sandwiches with Pringles. They were delicious!
Dinner - well, you already know - but burger, tots, and drink. Quint had pb&j with cheese and crackers

Ten more days and two thirds down...

2 comments :

Cora said...

You are doing good, I would have cracked by now. Just think at the feeling of accomplishment you will have when you are done. only 10 more days.
Have a great day

Linda said...

Keep your perspective!! This is just for a month... After this you will be aware of what you are spending and can then budget for during the month so you will be able to eat out sometimes. I think this challenge is something we all need to do to become aware of how many times we say to ourselves but it's just this little thing and so it goes until all the money is gone. I thought when I retired I would go out to lunch all the time, but it became old, then It started to bother me about the amt I was spending. Now I consider it a treat to go out and enjoy it more.. Only 10 more days and then give yourself a gift of a great dinner or lunch out... I have faith in you to be able to complete this and have learned something great.... Linda