THE WAIT

So referrals came in yesterday - and I don't address this to often on here because it's depressing. But as you may know, my dear M3 Sistas are all coming up (FINALLY) on their LID's being processed - one in particular, Robyn, who should be seeing her sweet little Avery's face in January with a 12/20/05 LID. After all this time, over two years of waiting - the longest families have had to wait in about over ten years - and she's finally reached the finish line. Then we have Valerie, who is right behind her with a 1/4/06 LID, and Erin with a 2/6/06 LID. It's just amazing to me that in the next few months we're going to be not just watching through blog world as others get their referrals, but actually laughing, crying, and celebrating together as we bring these little girls into our fold. Finally, more solid proof that those in the process DO finally reach the finish line. And not a moment too soon...

I read somewhere that the CCAA had made a statement that they don't care how long the wait gets. It's not what concerns them. They're more concerned with improving the orphanages, improving the "paper-ready" process, etc. But, for families that were willing to wait, no matter how long that might be, they would received the referral for their child. Oddly, that comforted me. My wait for Keira since LID is quickly encroaching on two years. But my journey and paperwork process for her began three years ago in February. If the CCAA handed me an envelope with my actual referral date inside - I don't think it would matter what date it said. 2008, 2009, 2010? I'm not giving up on Keira. From the moment that I made a commitment to pursue her, she was ours. She was our daughter. She was our family. I could no sooner walk away from that than rip my own arm and leg off. If someone told me tomorrow "it's over, their not referring any more children", I think I would spend many sad years grieving for my daughter. So, amidst the pain of missing her, I try to have hope.

But hope is something I am learning a lot about lately. Hope that, like Robyn, I will find myself near the finish line and ready to meet my daughter. Hope that my kids, however far away, will find their way home to us in the next two years. Hope that despite how badly my heart is aching for them, they will be home and playing together, and it will be as if they were never gone. Hope that I won't miss sleeping too terribly much when I'm in the throes of motherhood. (gulp)

I have posted here recently about the ups and downs we have had trying to adopt our son from Ethiopia. I wanted to share that experience so that those who are curious can be assuaged and those who are considering can be prepared.

First of all, during the course of this year we felt drawn to, discussed, and made a big leap of faith to pursue the adoption of our son through Ethiopia. We are asking for an infant, as young as possible, and we made the decision to put this adoption ahead of Keira's because of the increasing wait for China. Also, Ethiopia has a strict rule that a child must be in the home three years before another can brought in. That meant that if Keira was home first (at least a year away barring a miraculous speed-up) we would be forced to wait another 3 years to pursue Ethiopia. Well, we aren't spring chickens, people. So we decided to get a move on.

At first the process was smooth as pie. I was moving through the dossier stage with such speed that I thought "my gawd, everyone should do this! It's so much easier!" Well, I had to eat those words. We ended up getting strung up and hung up on the dumbest of details and one thing led to another hang up. Soon, we were stalled out completely -waiting on Gov't. officials and people in charge of saying "yes, I guess you'll be acceptable parents". This slow down created an utter taste of disdain and apathy in our hearts and suddenly the paperwork was sitting in a pile collecting dust. Suddenly, both kids were being held hostage at the CIS level and our dreams of having a family were slipping through our hands. Oddly, we were too numb to do much about it.

Three days after Thanksgiving, I had a meltdown in the Disney store (no lie) followed by an immediate and totally unexpected gush of financial support -which caused a bit of a wakeup call for me. Something just clicked. I thought "what the heck am I doing? These are my children we're talking about. My life. My heart. Get MOVING". The next day, I had such a fervor as I had not had before. I started making phone calls, organizing details, pulling together documentation, notarizing documents, and basically just getting back in the drivers seat of both our adoptions.

Within days, I had resolution on several of the hang ups and even better, it seemed we would be getting our dossier to Ethiopia in December - if all went as planned. The weight that had lifted off of me was tremendous. I couldn't believe how much better I was feeling - like all I needed was a little encouragement, support, and motivation (thanks Mom).

You might recall that Keira's nursery furniture, which is gorgeous, was given to us by a family that Anton knows at school. This week, a second family heard that we were adopting a second baby and offered us a beautiful crib and mattress that they had hardly used at all. So, when Anton brought it in the house a couple nights ago and put it in Keira's room (unassembled) I had a moment of angst - two empty cribs. Sigh. Sniffle. And then, it was like "NO! None of that! Two cribs for two beauties that are on their way to us. Two cribs, two nurseries, two miracles. I have not come this far to give up now. I have never taken this kind of an emotional journey in my life - I'm not backing down now that I can almost see the finish line."

Needless to say, we've had yet another shift in mood over here. I think we're done moping around. I mean, we had to get it out of our systems so that we could buck up for the next haul. It could be months before we see our son and maybe more than a year before we see Keira - but it's no longer the point. The point is, no matter how fragile or tired we feel some days from the journey, we don't believe for a second that God led us down this path only to desert us or forget that we were here. No, actually - He has found multiple ways to remind us that He is ever-present and at work and that we are not forgotten! Neither forgotten are our children, who are slowly winding their way to us - from halfway around the world.

Every time I hear this song, no matter who sings it, I cry just a little when I think of my kids...

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Written by Ralph Blane, Hugh Martin

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light

From now on our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Make the Yuletide gay

From now on your troubles will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us, once more

Someday soon we all will be together

If the fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now