December 12, 2007

Young Love?

When you get married, there is this undeniable stage of infatuation, lusty new love, and excitement. You hold hands in line for the movie, you play footsies under the restaurant table, you whisper in each others ears those little "lovies" that only the two of you are in on. It's just this wonderful time when the world is your oyster and nobody can tell you anything!

But people are people - and so they try. They make cracks under their breath like "give it time" or "I remember those days...all three of them" or "enjoy it while it lasts". They roll their eyes when they catch the PDA (public displays of affection) and they cackle openly when you find yourself saying "we'll never be like that" (when referencing the 'old married couple' stereotype).

AB and I have been together for eight years, married for almost seven. And I want to go on record as having admitted right up front that there are days we bicker and argue to the point of hardly being able to be in the same house with the other for a second longer. Times when we wonder, to ourselves of course, what the path would have looked like if we had never crossed ours - and always in the heat in the storm, we seem to think these hot-headed things.

But for most days, we are still that newlywed couple - with what many of my friends would describe as sappy, overt, and often downright mushy displays of affection and love for another. When we start spending time with new friends, they will often say "I can't imagine you two fighting - it just seems like you must sit at home and make each other laugh all the time". Well, let me burst that bubble - hardly! Trust me when I tell you that our marriage itself is very rarely a big laughfest. Maybe you can relate?

More often we find ourselves working towards the goal of the good times. In other words, we spend a lot of time getting through the day to day, paying the bills, cleaning the house, working, making dinner, going to church, etc. But once in a while, we find ourselves sitting at opposite ends of the couch on a cold winter day, book in hand, fire in the fire place, dogs at our feet and we happen to glance up and make eye contact and then it hits us. I could have missed this. A wrong turn, a different choice, a date with another person - and I could have missed out on you. But here we are - in our cozy home, reading a good book and woolly socked feet intertwined. Here we are, still in love, every day coming home to each other and every day choosing to love the other the best that we can. Here we are, still plugging along through heartache and disappointment, turmoil, and bills, and life in general - and you're still the one. I still call you HBO and you still call me HBOO. Silly nicknames that only we get. Silly, and yet our very own language - sweet and irreplaceable.

Yes, here we are, an Old Married Couple - and what sweet relief there is in it. The very stigma I feared eight years ago has become a comfort and safe haven to me. Reliable warmth, and love, and companionship that I feel so thankful for. No pressure to always impress, or to be someone I'm never going to be. No need to explain why I've had a bad day. No reason to cry alone. I have my best friend - the other side of me. To laugh with, to cook with, to share my thoughts with, and to curl up against on a cold night. The longer we're together, the more I find my home in AB and from what he tells me - the feeling is mutual. It's a secure and safe place and I'm finally finding rest and a comfort I sought out for many years before meeting him.

Last week and this week, for no other reason that is apparent to me than that for some blessed reason - he loves me, AB sent me cards in the mail from his work to our home. As I opened them, I realized that they were the core reason why I love him like I do. Just blank little cards, with a different puppy on the front of each, and inside he wrote words of love and encouragement to me. Reminding me why he loves me, and encouraging me to be strong as we wait for our children. Re-iterating his love to me, and making me feel like a newlywed. Honey, thank you for that - I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

So, I guess this is all to say - we are beating the statistics - 1 in 2 marriages end. We are still in love, despite life and it's many obstacles. We are still making people roll their eyes with our kissy face, and yet, we are also happy to be home on a Saturday night - watching TV in sweats, and eating our favorite foods. We're a newlywed old married couple. I wish the same for you and your love - let's beat the statistics!

Here's to holding hands in line for the movies and playing footsies at dinner...

Here's to Young Love, Wise Love, Aged Love, Imperfect Love, and our Love...

Here's to us!

Now bring on the kids so we can go and lose our minds...


Robyn said...

I hear ya girl...and I feel the same way about PK (like how I threw those initials in there!) Just remember: "love ya, can't live without ya!" It does work in all situations and even kind of sounds nice in your most frustrated tone :)

Love ya!!

Briana's Mom said...

He sounds like a keeper to me! What a beautiful post.

Kim said...

Love the post...
That is how a marriage is suppose to be...Hugs to you girly..

Anonymous said...

so glad that you two are so very happy in life together. I know how you feel, it has been 16 years this month for Mark and I and we love each other still, enough to finally get married!!! Seems my life would just not be complete without him, we have our own little family and we love each other and couldn't imagine not being together. Kudo's to all that can keep it together in a world torn apart!
love you both