One foot in front of the other

My parents came and we had a wonderful time together. I'm putting one picture on here, because you can't really condense 10 days into a slide show that doesn't take all night to create. Needless to say, I was sad to see them go - and its hasn't even been a full week since they left. Boo.

AB made a wonderful meal for Thanksgiving (I expected nothing else), and yes, I made my pie. It was FABULOUS - I cannot lie! Pics below...

On to another subject - one foot in front of the other. Our Adoptions are kicking my ass. I'm sorry to spell it out for you all like that. But I cannot sugar coat the madness. I have missed all of you, truly. I have missed reading about your lives, your ups and your downs, and commenting on your day to days - like reading a good newspaper - my blogger pals are my coffee time in the morning.

To put it bluntly - we are beat down. With all the good intentions, the worse thing I can hear right now is "hang in there" or "it'll get better" or "before you know it, they'll be home". I know all this and I know it's well-intentioned. Really, I do. But right now - we are just beat down. We hit a major and unexpected hurdle in both adoptions last month and it's been an uphill battle to keep moving forward. I feel like we're fighting tooth and nail, and still no progress. A friend (V) recently told me "what is wrong with our society when children who desperately needs parents and would-be parents who desperately want children cannot find a way to each other without all this political and bureaucratic nonsense?" So, we're just feeling like this is one of the biggest trials of our life right now. To keep moving forward and to keep our chins up is keeping everything we have, every resource we've got, in constant motion. One misstep and we're a mess. One moment of lethargy or apathy, and we slide ten steps backward down the hill. Like hitting our 20 month LID the other day. Made us both feel utterly disappointed - nothing happy about it at all.

Have you ever been walking up a lot of steps, or climbing up a hill (or what feels like a hill) and you're winded? Lungs are burning, side is aching, and legs are a little wobbly? You stop to take a breath, but your so winded that you can't get a good one in? So you bend over and there comes the side ache? The cramp in between the ribs that give you a good burn? You're legs are a little shaky and you're thinking..."what the heck was I thinking? I'm not in good enough shape to be doing this. I'm freaking tired, my side hurts, my legs are wobbly, and I can't catch my breath! I feel so dang old!" We are so freaking tired of this and our legs are stinking wobbly. I feel like we are just sitting on the side of the steps, trying to catch our breath, trying to re-orient ourselves to the task, trying to find the will to get back up and keep going uphill, trying to re-motivate ourselves to reach the top - all the while trying to ignore the tremendous pain our legs, back, sides, and burning lungs are in. Sometimes you just have to sit down and say "I'm tired and I'm sitting down". This is not really a problem if one of you keeps moving and carries the other on their back. But what if you both arrive at this place at the same time and you find that all of sudden, you're both sitting out? You're both winded and tired - discouraged and worn out? You pretty much just sigh and look at each other and say "this sucks" and hope that sooner or later one of you will get back up and say "ok, come on, let's keep going...or we're never gonna get there".

Lately I have not had the heart for Bloggerville. I've tried. I've certainly got a lot done. I've read three books in one week, I've decorated the house for Christmas, entertained the family for a week, caught up on my work, had lunch with friends that I haven't seen in a while, and attended a Christmas party. But blogger. No. Haven't even read your posts and I feel terrible about it. I do. It has taken all I have to leave the two or three comments that I have left for some. But it's not like me to skip town, figuratively, for so long. Only, every time I attempt to sit down and tell you about my latest - it seems so dull and boring. So lame and uneventful. And even though, I know you aren't judging my content that harshly (I hope) it still seems like anything I would tell you would be so half-hearted.

Meanwhile, I've had some e-mails wondering where I've gone. Some sweet comments telling me I'm missed. Even some blatant "where the heck did you go" requests. So, I'm going to make an attempt to put one foot in front of the other. I'm going to try and get back in the blogger saddle and see if blogging my way through this tumultuous time will somehow help to steel my resolve. If this doesn't work, I'm pretty sure I'm out of ideas - since I've spent the last month trying to find ways to buck up.

Now that Christmas is here, I find I have never been so lonely for my children. It was all I could do to make myself decorate the house - and our attempt to have a real tree this year ended in a half-hearted "nahhh" from me, and a "we'll just stick to the fake (and spent, I might add) tree we have in the attic". Lame.

For those who actually visit my blog, and are not reading this through bloglines, I have tried to add some holiday flair, although I did not want to part with my header, pink and blue and all. We'll just have to make do with the mismatched colors...

I'm back - and I promise to limit my depressing posts to this one only. I think. (Ha!) Yikes.

Was anyone else glad that Helio won DWTS? I LOVE that little guy!!

And now for some berry pie!