April 25, 2007

Dead...as a doornail

I've wanted to post...I've thought of posting...I even imagined finishing my series below and finally getting to Part I, with all the funny pictures that I have for you. But I haven't had time and let me tell you why....

Because I am dead as a freaking door nail -

Ok - let me really tell you why. I am watching my little two year old buddy Keira Grace full time this week. Not just during the day - but 24/7 from Monday-Friday, as in suitcase sleeping over full time. Let's say this together, shall we?


Listen, I know all you moms out there are chuckling at me right now - but let me clarify something. People keep on saying to me "well now you know, huh?" or things like "welcome to parenthood" followed by a hearty laugh and a slap on the shoulder. Let me just say to those people that it's a heck of a lot different taking care of someone else's child than your own. It has to be. She is used to her parent's way of doing things, their own set of rules, and a pretty tight schedule. I work from home full-time and sometimes more. I don't have a schedule outside of work, eat, and sleep Monday thru Friday - same goes for AB. Weekends are a menagerie of sleeping in, late breakfasts in bed (seriously... don't laugh), errand running, church going, shopping and or napping and gaming, free-for-alls.

When you have your own child, I imagine you have your own routine and your own rules and your own schedule that you gradually work into as you adjust to life "with baby". Your home is baby proofed (mine is not) and you just get into a groove. I have no groove. Not yet...saving that for Keira Joy.

I'm paranoid that she'll crack her head on our fireplace, get into our medicine cabinet, slurp down the extra soaps and shampoos under the bathroom sink, slink her way right out the dog door, sneak slowly out the garage door leading into the house, slip and slide right out of the highchair, and tip over and out of the crib. How will I explain any of this to her parents? Anton and I have saying that goes like this "babies are made of rubber". But only our babies. Not other people's babies. So I am exhausted trying to prevent any of the above from happening.

She doesn't like to be alone in a room, so she follows me around everywhere I go. Suits me, so I can make sure that she's not downing drano under the kitchen sink - but gawd...I'm ready to prop my eyelids up with toothpicks just so I can get some work done during her all too brief daily nap. By the time it's bedtime again at night, I'm too freaking tired from being on patrol all day to do a lick of work then either. So since I'm in charge of all my full time working duties and in charge of a smart and curious 2-year old, AND since AB is in his production week for Pirates of Penzance......sigh.....I'm just wore out and dead as a doornail. I can hardly believe I've made it through this post. AB leaves at the crack of dawn and comes home late at night after rehearsal. I had ten minutes of adult conversation tonight before he was too tired to talk any more about the bags under my "mommy bootcamp" eyeballs.

Quite frankly I was having a desperate thought tonight that referrals might speed up. As badly as I want Keira home with us, I really and truly started to panic - oh no...I can't do this...I can't make this work every day, day in and day out, round and round....for the next 18 years. Sob!

Pull it together, I tell myself. It will be different when it's your child. It will...

Meanwhile, I guess all that's left to say for the moment is that....zzzzzzz



Mya said...

I watch my nephew on Mondays for only a few hours and boy do I understand what your talking about! I am nervous too. I think (hope) this is normal. I just have to believe it will be different with our own! Ready or not, it will be here before we know it!

4D said...

You are too funny!

It is rough but I have been told it truly is different when it is your child.

Keep smilin!

Kelley said...

From what I saw this week, you're doing great! It is so true that it will different when it's KB, but you will still be exhausted, my friend! Hang in there...we have next weekend to revive and rejuvenate and I CAN'T WAIT because I too am worn out!
Love ya,

Anonymous said...

Girl; I feel your pain. I went out with my friend who got back from China 2 months ago....OMFG...that kid wore me out and she doesn't even walk yet. She felt like she weighed 50 lbs. (Mom say 19...someone is wrong)

I came home panic stricken and looking up nanny services.

You are young and fully of vitality...I know you did an amazing job.

I need a life alert necklace NOW.