July 2, 2007

Pet Children and sorrow

I've been down in the dumps. This adoption process keeps stretching beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I just feel down. It's making me restless, tired, agitated, and sad. I've never felt so strung along by a process in my life. (at least not one that mattered to me so very much). I know everyone gets it who's in it too. I know we've all been through the valleys and then you hit the hills and these are the types of posts we crank out.

So in the middle of feeling terribly sorry for myself, my kitty Chloe had a crisis. Yesterday she laid down in the middle of the hallway and just started wailing. At the top of her kitty lungs. This continued for THREE and a HALF HOURS. You see, she has bone mice in her knee, which are particles of bone fragment that chip off and float in the kneecap. Because she is old (and a little bit hefty) she has experienced painful "mini-injuries" jumping from the bed, or a chair, or even just walking. Then she lays in agony for hours crying - while Mommy and Daddy sit next to her helpless and trying to comfort her. This happens about three times a year. Otherwise she is happy and carefree. This causes me to cry, because I can't stand to see her hurting or in pain. We give her the recommended dose of pain meds and hope to God they kick in sooner rather than later.

After trying everything to make her comfortable, brushing her, whispering to her that she would be ok, rubbing her chin and ears, and exhausting myself by crying right along with her - she found a comfortable spot underneath the bedroom side table, and as her pain meds started kicking in, she finally found rest. Later she even hobbled out and came looking for me to give her attention. (Which I promptly did) and she's been fine ever since. A minor jolt on the radar of life with pets, but...

But no rest for the weary Momma. I cried and cried later that night. A couple blogger friends recently lost their sweet boys Zeus and Copper to cancer. I can't even tell you how much I cried for each of them when I read those posts. It was crushing to me. And lately, I've been looking at my little children, furry and four-legged though they may be, and just trying to breathe them in and savor their little nuances. Trying to just love them, and give them the extra pat or gentle rub under the ears. Trying to throw them the extra little "treat" and praise them for no reason.

Seeing Chloe lie helpless and crying conjured up so much emotion in me of having to part with her that I can't tell you how overwhelmed I became. She's been a part of my life since I was 19 - and considering I'm treading a path into my thirties - we can safely say that I can't imagine my life without her. Meanwhile, Anabelle came home with AB and I as a puppy only two short months after we said "I DO". We don't know married life without her. Kaleigh on the other hand, came one year after Anabelle and truly was the champion of my heart. She was the sickly, unwanted, and battered pit-bull mix of a family that left her at the pound. She became the celebrated and adored punky brewster of our family who never misses an occasion to make us laugh out loud and lifts our spirits with her silly antics. People who come in our home quickly learn that Kaleigh is a heart breaker and can melt you with one glance into her big pathetic pleading brown eyes.

So tonight we were laying on the bed, loving on the babies (like we do every night) and I thought it wise to grab the camera and capture both my mood and theirs on film. So that I'll always be able to have that memory long after their gone and life has moved forward. I know their stay here with us is so brief and it just breaks my heart. I have to say, there are so many people in this world who can't hold a candle to the grace and gentle spirit of my animals. Perhaps that's why we find it so hard to part with them when it's time. I for one, loathe time. It steals away the good, and prolongs and drags out the bad.

I'm so busy waiting for my "people" babies to get here, that I get caught up and forget to adore my "fur" babies. A mistake I daresay I will someday regret...

So, for the kids I have and love forever - who see me through the hard times, and love me in spite of me, and forgive me eagerly, and are always happy to see me, and bring me joy everyday of their lives...

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you theres no one else above you

You fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness

Ease my troubles thats what you do

For the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too

You fill my life with laughter
And somehow you make it better
Ease my troubles thats what you do

And have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you theres no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles thats what you do

And have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you theres no one else above you

Take away all my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles thats what you do


Robyn said...

Keep your chin up. We are all in this together and until we see our girls faces we will continue to shower our pets with enough love for both (even me!)

Love ya

Unknown said...

Lovely post...I get sad thinking of my animals being sad..

Praying for ya!

Briana's Mom said...

I know this wait is unbelievably grueling. I have definitely had my moments of break down during the ridiculous wait.

I am so grateful to have my kitty - she has been my baby for 8 years. I don't even want to think what I would do without her.

Try to hang in there.

Dena said...

What a beautiful post. I can completely relate about watching someone you love in pain. It is heartbreaking. You have had your kitty for a long time and I hope you have many more years together. I am so sorry you are having to wait soooooooo long for Keira Joy.
When these emotional times like this come for me, I try to picture it as riding a wave, all you can do is hop on and hold on tight. That God thought of tears is so funny to me. How can water come out of my eyes b/c of deep emotion, and somehow be a part of healing? So strange to me!

Anonymous said...

OK - so now I am crying - I am so sorry for your Chloe. What beautiful pictures. This wait has just got to speed up!!

Stacey said...

This is a very touching post. I am so sorry for your chloe, I know when my Cinder has a seizure I am just a mess becuse there is nothing I can do. My girls (two shih tzus) have been my babies for so long now that I can hardly imagine not having them too. I also wanted to say that you are going to make it. I understand how hard this wait is and I know that no matter what anyone says the only thing that will make it completly better is to have your daughter. Know that I am praying for you. Stacey

Polar Bear said...

This wait is definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I think it is also making me stronger.

Your fur-babies are so cute. I'm sorry Cleo had such a rough time the other night. It is so hard to sit by helplessly. I am glad she is better now.

We have a Kaeliegh, too. She is a rescue. I have an older dog who has been with me longer than Ryan. I can't imagine what it will be like when it is her turn to go to the rainbow bridge. I dread that day. I lost Sadie's sister, Miranda, a year and a half ago. That was awful. Sadie has always been more attached to me, Miranda was a princess and only cuddled on her terms. :) It is amazing what furkids do for us.

I love your pictures. They all look so happy and cozy. :)

Two Kayaks said...

I love that you love your furry friends so much. We had to say goodbye to our furbaby, Cheetah in February and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her with everything in my heart. I see what Melissa nd colleen are going through and mirrors my own feelings. I can barely stand to go to their blogs right now because it brings about so many emotions.
Your sweet furbabies are the cutest! Keep giving them lots of love and know that they can feel it through and through.
Glad I stumbled across your blog today!

Elisa...life as we know it. said...

That's a really touching post, hepefully your fur babies will keep you going.
This adoption wait was the most emotional thing I have been through, there are up, downs and days where you just feel plain numb.
It will happen..hang on.x

Roy and Lori said...

Just wanted to say hello!
Have a great holiday!

Elise said...

I am sorry you have been done and your little kitty is feeling the pains of older age. Our cats are approaching their golden years and I know it will be difficult to see them age. Love the pictures you took of all those cute fur babies, you can tell you both love them all very much. I hope your 4th of July is a better day for you:) Hugs to you all!

4D said...

My dear, I am totally relate to what you are feeling. Hang onto me and we will make it to the end of this journey. Hugs!

I know what you mean about your fur baby. Daisy is the first pet I have ever had and seeing the pain the others have gone thru makes me realize how precious our furry ones are. It also makes me stop and give extra cuddles. Do not take them for granted. That is what I have learnt.


Keep smilin!