February 8, 2010

Resting

 
 Photo taken by AB ~ Guangzhou, China

Right now, we're resting
Putting into words what we experienced as a whole

it's just too much for now

even though I keep pondering it

thinking about it

hoping to expend the vastness of it

put it down somewhere

somewhere that it can be looked at later as a tiny roadbump

or maybe just a season

to be honest
We're still tired

Still emotional

Still forcing our tired bodies and minds to recall the timezone

and the children,

they're resilient, yet they too are resting in many ways

We've had a life change that supersedes most all the others

Life and Loss take priority and top spot among all changes

we're celebrating new Life

but our little one is still mourning deep Loss

so we are sharing two extremes
and finding them not ready just yet to meet in the middle

we prepare for what we can, even four years worth of preparation

we make way for change

but you can't really prepare fully

you can't know before hand what will be after

how it will look
how it will feel

how it will rest on your heart or your soul

You can wait and watch and listen

you can love and be still

love and be still some more

you can't expect

you can't arrange things neatly

you can't do anything to speed it along

just love and be still

So...
Right now, we're resting

Resting our bodies, our lungs, our still tired limbs...

Resting our minds and our thoughts...

Resting our reflections and our emotions...

We're resting

When the story is ready to be told
I'll be writing it as I have done before

Love your children...and be still



February 4, 2010

Something Beautiful

Something beautiful, something good
All my confusion, He understood
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife
But He made something beautiful of my life...


 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 



Giving thanks,

February 2, 2010

She's in that room


We're still completely wiped out.  The house is a mess.  The suitcases have yet to be moved from their initial "plop" point.  The kids aren't sleeping all that great at night (Keira thinks it's China time, bless her heart) and so Mom and Dad are up at all hours.  Dishes are piled up.  Bottles are everywhere.  Diapers are climbing in numbers and taking over.  We're still sick.  Laundry is a mile high and several mounds wide.  Mail is in a big Leaning Tower of Pisa stack.  Burp cloths, teething rings, Puffs, baby food, formula, baby toys, and hairbows are strung from one end of this home to the other...

and yet...

She's in that room, folks.  She's in that crib...

If I went in there right now to wonder where she was...or when or even if she would ever be home...I wouldn't have to look very far.

Because she's there

Sleeping.  Happy.  Healthy.  Beautiful.  Charming.

All 18 pounds of her

All snuggly and warm and in her cute girlie jammies

She's there

The name on the wall is not just a passing hope

Speaking of hope, I forgot to share with you

We decided while in China that we would give Keira a portion of her Chinese name, so here it is...

Keira Joy Xi

Xi is pronounced "she".  Xi means "hope"

Keira Joy "Hope" is sleeping in her bed after four long years of hoping and waiting for her

She's there...in that room, even now...




May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

February 1, 2010

Home again, and doesn't it feel nice?

We're home safe and sound...

We had a long 25 hours of travel

We had many people waiting at the airport for us, even though we got in so late at night.  It was so sweet!

We came home to find all kind of food, flowers, brownies, diapers, wipes, formula...you name it - all waiting for us in the house.  It was very moving.  Thank you so much to the two families who took care of us in this way!  We are still benefiting very much from your TLC.

Our son came home late that same night, and it was so great to hug and hold him again.  

We had a very, very restless and long first night home.  Surprisingly, our son did not want to sleep at all.  So we were up with him from 1am to 6am.  Bout' killed us.

Sunday was our first day at home and Keira has done amazing.  Like a new baby.  We're trying to decide if it's the jetlag that is making her so docile and sweet, or the fact that she's figuring out we're here to stay.  Either way, we're loving her easy going and adorable personality.  She's been such a good baby these past two days.

By the way - Keira did really well on the flights.  First flight was 15 hours, and she slept a total of 8 hours.  It was not all together, but it was still nice to have those breaks where she was resting.  We had a 4 hour layover in the states before our final flight - she did great.  Then we had a final 3+ hour flight home.  She slept a little bit and was a bit more fussy, but who could blame her.  We had been traveling over 20 hours.  She was done and so were we.

Quint has only had 24 hours to take in the concept of his new sister.  In a brief nutshell, he's not loving it.  In fact, it's been harder to meet his needs than Keira's.  He's doing the grieving now - and it's difficult.  So we're going to take that transition one day at a time, and hope it improves over the coming weeks and months.  Right now, he wants nothing to do with her.  

Even though the jet-lag is really hurting, we're so very glad to be home again.  Even though we can't sleep well or much, the bed....our wonderful soft bed...oh friends.  I could weep.  It was like slipping into heaven.  The house is a royal mess.  Don't even care. (*much)  I'm so glad to be in our home, to be surrounded by our comforts...it has made everything better on some level.  The sickness, the exhaustion, the sadness, the eating, the sleeping, the lack of sleeping...all so much better when you're at home.  

Today we go to the doctor.  AB and I.  We need to get checked out - what we're carrying is just not good.  Since we had it the entire trip and since it's hanging on for dear sweet life, we need intervention.  We want to be rid of it, so we can start putting ourselves back together again.  Everything feels tougher when you're sick. 

Keira seems healthy as a horse.  Pardon the expression, but she is a tough cookie!  Her doctor appointment is Tuesday.

Well, that's all for now - I'm going to try and catch a few moments of rest before the little ones are up and ready to eat.  

I can't believe we can finally, finally close this "book"...I'm so happy I could cry...
I have so much to tell you all...more to come soon - I promise!