February 18, 2011

Love

It’s not a question of love. 
There is no shortage of love over here.
I love them – add infinity – add infinity.

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But loving another person the way I love them – good grief…
the vulnerability is alarming.
Scary.
Overwhelming.

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I can’t even put it into words how nuts they make me.
Day in and day out.
Like they were born to push my every button
and smile while doing it.
Making me gray and crazy and feeling like I’m drowning.
Who are we kidding, I was gray before they came along.

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And other days?  Just joy.  Tired, yes.  Exhausted really.
But joy.  Deep down.  A feeling of total privilege.
That I get to be their mom.
Total abandon to let them have all of me.
Totally vulnerable to their love.
Living for it, some days.

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Some days, I just want to shout “freeze” to the clock
that keeps ticking in life. 
Hold it!
Stop right there.
Slipping…slipping away…
So sweet.  So tender.
Don’t take them with you, time.
Please?

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But we’re usually a temper tantrum away from
wishing those thoughts away.
Wondering if tomorrow will ever come.
Wondering if it intends to leave me here forever.
Haggling over uneaten meals, routines,
scattered toys and too much laundry.
Wondering if this is my life.

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Thankfully, it is my life.
Thankfully, the Love always wins.
Always
Love trumps all.
Their Love.  And the Love I bear them.
Love endures even when I feel I can’t.
Love never fails.


5 comments :

Anonymous said...

It is your life, your life right now,.... right now will be over in a flash. Try to take more time to enjoy and less time to stress, before you know it, really, they will be grown and you will wonder how the last 10 years turned out to really be 20! And how did I miss so much? "One day your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it is worth watching"!
Love you!
deany

Cora said...

I feel ya! Like I really never thought I would. BTW, those are two of the cutest kids outside the state of Washington (sorry I have to qualify it now :) I really just want to squish Keira a little.

Christa Proctor said...

Your words are so lovely! And such wonderful thoughts for all of us moms to keep in our minds.

Valerie said...

There must be somthing in their DNA that makes you fall head over heels for them in spite of all the stress and frustration that follows them around.

G*d knew what he was doing when he created the wee ones. They push all the buttons, including the LOVE button.

Hanging on right next to you.

Love V

Alyson said...

Your children are so beautiful.