November 6, 2006

Christmas Time is Here

Well, it's true, like it or not. AB and I went shopping yesterday to kill some time, and ended up at the mall. Every little store we went in had Christmas decor and people seemed to already be in the spirit of things. Red, Green, and Gold was everywhere and I was feeling myself get excited as I started mentally going down my Christmas Shopping List. But later as we snacked on some food court goodies, AB brought it all back home with these simple words:

"I thought she would be home this Christmas...", he said quietly.

Me too...

We sat there for a minute in silence listening to the bustling crowd and the Carousel chiming in the background, and the Christmas music overhead.

And there it was...the pang of her absence that we skillfully keep at bay most of the time. The little whip of stinging that we feel when we stop moving for a moment and remember that we were supposed to be parents by now.

Then we remember that we are parents. Her parents...even if she's not here right now, she's still out there and we're still her parents. Missing her is just a part of living, for right now. I pleaded with AB to tell me that this would be the last Christmas without her, and of course, he only half smiled and gave me a light squeeze.

Christmas time is here. And once again, she is not.

We are missing our girl...

4 comments :

Doris & Dan Clark said...

I hear ya! It is hard. We are gonna get through it. Try to take joy in knowing that she will be here for next Xmas!

Keep smilin!

Jamie said...

It is your last Christmas as a couple. I promise...from here on out, it is the three of you. Hang tight sister. Keira is coming.

Love you!

Valerie said...

Hey Friend, I know. Last Christmas I had the stockings enmbroidered and hanging, sure that they would be filled with goodies for at least one child...and the year has flown by in some ways as it is upon us, but slowly churned as we are still childless. I KNOW.

Shelli said...

Next Christmas you will definitely have your baby girl! It is going to be a little sad this year.

See ya soon!!!