It’s been a year. Not a year since anything in particular…not like counting down. No, not that kind of year. I mean, it’s been a year. You know how you come home and say “wow, it’s been a day!”. Yeah. That kind of year.
I call it blue. 2012 was blue. I was blue. Life was blue. My heart was blue. My mind was blue.
Do you ever have a year like that? Maybe just a day or two? Well, let me tell you how having a whole year of blue can put you in the strangest of places.
If you have been through that, then maybe you’re shaking your head right now. Agreeing. Yes, you know…you have been there. You get what I mean.
You can’t put your finger on how it happened. You can’t organize in your mind exactly how you got there. You can’t even quite shake it off as easily as you hoped. But it made everything in your life harder. And it made what might have been a minor distraction any other year, a major upset.
Lots of things happened this past year to shape me differently than I thought I would be. Highs and lows. We took the kids to Disneyland = high. We got in a car accident and Anton almost died = low. Sometimes life does that. Throws curve balls in our general direction. Problem is, if you’re not prepped for ducking, you get hit. And when you get hit? You tend to at first buckle…from the knees up. Then you go down. Generally rather quickly.
Life happened and I buckled. And that, my friends, is why I’ve been gone so much from this place that I love. My little corner of the web.
Sure, my kids are in one piece and AB and I still have date night on Thursdays. Some things faithfully remain and for that, I’m thankful and undeserving.
Yes, look around…the sun still rises and sets each day and life goes on.
But I buckled. And I fell down. Hard. Not like the kind where you just brush yourself off. Not like that at all.
The ugly kind where you’re a bit bloodied and worse for the wear. That kind. Dirty and messy.
Here’s what you do when that happens; you either get up and find a will to move forward or you just don’t.
I got up.
I’m moving forward.
I’m hoping for a new shade in 2013. Anything but blue…
“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.” – Psalm 34:18