April 15, 2012

30 Days of Spring Cleaning–Another Week

week for me
Image Courtesy Gina Marie Huff
I’m sorry to say that the state of my “purging” is a bit blah.  The thing is, and I’m being completely redundant, I can’t see to open them.  The tubs.  The ones with the baby clothes.  Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I did pop one lid open, spied a small brown cap and matching shoes that Quint wore right around 12 months, and I blubbered up like a fool. 

and….I sound like a lunatic.

Meanwhile, there’s this whole other issue that keeps cropping up.  And I don’t know why it’s so hard.  But frankly, we’re not sure we’re done expanding our family.  Every time I think about getting rid of all these things – stroller, highchair, clothes, etc. – I just get hung up.  What if we’re not done?  What if we start this whole thing over again in a year?  How mad will I be at myself when I’ve gone and dumped it all, only to need to purchase it all again.  That will HACK me off.  And I know you’re probably still thinking “expanding our family”?!?!?! But stay with me.  The thing is…we often discuss whether or not we want more children.  And honestly, we do.  I mean, I think we do.  We both having the desire off and on again.  Does that ever get better?  Do you eventually have to pull the plug and say “we’re done!” and then it hurts but you get over it?  Does that happen all my “been there done that’s”?

There are just so many obstacles ( I know, I know…God is bigger than those obstacles) but I get discouraged that China has basically gone to special needs only (which is fine, only we have crap insurance) and Ethiopia jumped onto the slower than slow track.  Our agency stopped accepting families into the program – that’s pretty darn slow.  Now, am I closed to the idea of another country or stateside?  No.  Not at all.  But we haven’t pursued that and….why am I telling you all this?  Maybe it’s cathartic.  Maybe it’s a good excuse not to be unpacking tubs.  Maybe I’m just trying to justify hauling 9 tubs of the cutest clothes ever back into the attic?  Whatever it is…I feel stuck.  Ugh…  It would be a huge waste to have them sitting in the attic for years where no one can be cute in them…what’s the point of that.  What a selfish waste!

On another note, AB is kicking off his production of Footloose this week and it’s a CRAZY life, people.  Crazy!  Production mode can bring out the best and the worst in us…mostly because of all the stress and pressure.  But good news!  This coming weekend I’m attending a Ladies Retreat wherein, I will be the roommate of me, myself, and I at a luxury hotel.  Yes, that’s right…I’m rewarding myself with a private room.  This is because somehow the sound of silence makes me deliriously happy and I need a fix.  That and the whole “going to the bathroom uninterrupted".  That’s nice too.  Like, really nice.  Not to mention that I get to hang out with some of my favorite people – the ladies from my church.  They are a FUN group of gals and I’m so glad to know them.

On yet another note?  Always late to the party in all ways – hairstyles, movies, weather reports, celeb news, etc.  No exception is my new found guilty musical pleasure, Justin Bieber:

Don’t judge.  (but I would have judged you a week ago - gulp)
 For four years I have wondered what was the big D-E-A-L-I-O with him? (now I get it!)
Watch his movie on Netflix and you’ll have a change of heart.  (watched it sort of by accident, but so glad I did)
The kid is freaking amazing…who knew?  (he plays like 500 instruments…or whatever)
Quint and I have Bieber Fever…can’t be helped! (cannot be helped, I tell you!)

Ok, back to the tubs...at least I'll have Justin on the i-POD to keep me motivated!


liasmomma said...

I too have thought many a time that if things in China were different could I talk my husband into one more (he says two girls are more than enough drama for him)? I have many friends who are stuck in the China backup and have searched for other promising countries and let me tell you, there really are none. Everything is either moving at a snail's pace, closed, or full of too much risk. It is hard to say that you're done when in the real world other people can make as many babies as they want to have. But it does get easier to accept once you decide it. I still want another China baby SO BADLY when I see those precious facies on the Love Without Boundaries FB page I've got to confess. But God is good and I'm just so fortunate to have the two little girls I have b/c had I waited any longer, I too would be stuck in the huge backlog (I already was but it wasn't too bad back then). Good luck with your decision.


The Gang's Momma! said...

Oh, I hear ya. But take heart, I recently (like in September) did a huge paring down of about 38 tubs of clothes (don't judge, I have five kids and one on the way!) and FORCED myself to sort and sell all the baby girl clothes from sizes 0 thru 12 months that I'd been keeping since LadyBug was born. She's gonna be 13 soon. Gulp.

See, I know in my head that we won't be getting anyone little enough to wear them ever again. Even as young as Li'l Empress was, she was still too big for the teeny tiny fashion wonders in the bins. But I could.not.bear. to part with them. Before that day in Sept.

There will be a day that sorting, purging, and paring down will feel right. And you will be able to do it with a minimum of tearing uppage. Till then, cut yourself some slack and sort something else :) It's okay. No matter what God has in store for you and your family, He will figure out the details.... I promise.

Oh, and I recommended your blog-making skillz to someone today... I might need a re-do once Brynna is home and pennies are not being squeezed tighter than... (well, that analogy is crude and hearkens to my not-following-Christ-days, so we'll skip that.) :)

Sharon said...

I say keep the tubs 1 more year (at least) because that little tug in your heart is probably there for a reason..... and you will probably get clarity within the year! Have a ball in your very own private room!