Numbers

Sometimes people ask me, or e-mail me for my LID. My "Log in Date" for China.

I was like most - every month the date would roll around and I would rush to post about my latest "LID-Aversary". I would wax thoughtful, hopeful, and positive while secretly wondering if anything I was typing was remotely true. You can check my history back in April, I think for the last one.

But several months ago a strange reality sunk low our ever lengthening LID-struck mentality. No matter how much we counted down, or up, LID's were no longer "happy". So saying "Happy LID to me" sounded trite. There was nothing happy about it. Actually, quite the opposite was true. Every time that date rolled around, it had become another reminder that we were getting older, so was our expire-able paperwork, and our dreams of being parents seemed further and further away. Instead of a happy "we're __ today!" it was more of a "@$(*&#$(*@&#!(@##@# stupid LID...@(*$)(#@*$ crappy process".

I posted several months ago that I was done posting false sentiments about our wait. We were not happy. We were not hanging in there. We have no idea when we will ever get a referral. We have very little confidence in the "system". We feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the adoption process in general. We feel slightly bitter that it's so hard to give kids a good home. And we are tired of pretending the know the answers to give well-intending people who ask about Keira.

Our monthly LID celebration had become, for us, a way to gauge not only where we were in terms of the "line" but it had become an emotional attachment to something we falsely assumed had an end in sight. When we started this process, the wait was 10 months. That was back in '05 for the curious. Yes, we're old-LID-timers, as are many of our dear friends. So celebrating our LID was a way of counting up to the inevitable. But as we all know, 10 turned to 12, and 12 to 14, 14 eventually became 18 and 18, 22.

I think when this grabs hold of your attention, the fact that you're not counting towards a goal any longer - you're just counting - you start to feel jaded by your own sentiment. In other words, a celebration becomes a bit of a joke - doesn't it?

There is a bright shiny aspect to this story. In the midst of letting this "happy" date slip from both our calendars and our minds, we found a sort of peace in waiting for Keira to come home. This day now comes and goes every month, and while the reality of the number of months we have waited to meet our little daughter continues to pass by and grow, the load has become slightly easier to bear because we have one less let down a month associated with it. The monthly reminder that she's still not here. The little note on the calendar that mapped out exactly just how long we have waited, missed, and longed for her. And the double agony of wondering every time that date rolls around, how many more we will count until she is ours. Now it's just the 29th and it more than often rolls on by without a second glance from either of us. Truly, I can say that we hardly ever remember it until is has passed by.

So you see, this is why I dropped from the ranks of those who celebrate this date. To many it is a comfort and a necessary. To many it IS a source of celebration, a reason to be happy. And for those I really am glad. It's absolutely a personal preference. And I'm no saying that it's silly or that people who take comfort in it shouldn't bother. I am speaking only for us. This isn't meant to be bitter or harsh. It's simply a vulnerable topic that I rarely broach here on the Keira Show. But that doesn't mean that people don't ask. Because they do...

For Keira...Mom and Dad are tired. We will never give up - but the less reminders we have that she's not here yet - the better situated we seem to find ourselves each month when the timeframe slips further away, yet again. And better suited to handle the lack of referral days and numbers that are coming through. Right now we talk in terms of years, rather than months. As in "well, if we have Keira home in '09 we could do ____". Rather than guessing or surmising when our number will be called, we just rest knowing that all the counting up or down in the world will not bring her one day closer to us - but that letting go of it, for us, meant peace of mind until she does get here. Trying to analyze numbers, count referrals from years past and compare them to now, etc - all seems somewhat wasted when she will be here no sooner than she will. What can be gained?

Letting it go, for us, allowed us to pursue other things. To put our focus elsewhere. To find that underneath all the adoption proceedings, we still had a life. That there were important things to do, and valuable ways to grow outside of the emotional chaos that adoption has become. It also freed us up to consider moving our plans to adopt a second child, up. Why wait? In this process, time certainly seems to be on your side if you have something major you need to do. Renovate your house? Go for it! Saving for a big vacation post adoption? Take it now! Plan to adopt another child? Well, you know...

By the way, it's 3-29-06. "Happy LID" to us...some eighteen or nineteen months running now....

Good grief...

Hospitality

I think we sometimes underestimate the power of extending hospitality to others. When was the last time you got a dinner invitation to sit in someones home and dine? It's been awhile for me too. On the other hand, when was the last time we invited someone over to spend a worry-free evening at our own home? Sipping a nice glass of wine, and enjoying AB's amazing culinary prowess? I'm ashamed to say, it's been too long to remember. I'm not talking about a pizza, or takeout, or a large group. Though, I think those nights are great too! But I'm talking about the kind of evening where you're one on one with one or two couples, and allowing them the opportunity to be "pampered", if you will in your home. Both by ambiance, sites, smells, and sounds. By the taste of the food, and perhaps a beautifully set table, a real linen or cotton napkin, and enjoyable conversation - you've invited them in to rest awhile and enjoy your friendship.

I know it sounds easy, but with the busy schedules we all have and the constant demands of our daily lives, it's so hard to make time for ourselves, let alone others. This topic has been a constant challenge for me in my marriage to AB, because he loves to entertain and to cook for people. While I see all the work that must go into these type of invitations, he sees the fellowship and the opportunity to bless others through his gift of cooking and conversation. His faith in my ability to turn our home into a sanctuary is unwavering, and his compliments flow when the finished product is presented. Candles, soft jazz, the smell of dinner, and a clean home usher in the guests we bring to our home.

Mind you, we do not get an opportunity to do this often enough. Which set me to thinking, why not? Couldn't we set aside one night a month to spend with a different set of friends? After all, it's so hard to build relationships with others, when we let too much time pass without interaction. Good conversation can turn a bad day around. Laughter and a lovely meal can truly warm your soul. I challenge you to pick a couple with whom you've been wanting to spend more time, hand-write a personal note inviting them to dinner, and choose a date that works best for you both. Do a quick sweep and dust, throw the pasta in the boiling water, light some candles, break open a bottle of wine, and set the music to "nice and relaxing". Enjoy yourself and don't get hung up on too many details. What your friends will remember from your get-together is your conversation and the food - not the condition of your bathroom shower.

While I'm on the subject of hospitality - a long standing order with AB is that when someone has a baby, moves, or experiences a death in the family - he makes a meal for them. Recently, we met a family a couple neighborhoods over who had brand new baby at home, and no meals planned for the next several days. AB instantly offered to bring them a hot meal, and I piped in for dessert. This is such an easy and quick way to extend hospitality to someone in need. I can't tell you the number of times we have tag-teamed on this type of meal, but I've included a slide show below, showing you just how easy and quick it can be to serve someone. We whipped this out in less than an hour, ran it over, gave hugs and handshakes and were out the door in a flash, leaving them to relish in the yummy dinner and their new baby's coo-ing. I present Beef Stroganoff and Mini-Yellow Cupcakes with Whipped Chocolate Frosting and topped off with Chocolate Sprinkles. (A huge hit with their 4-year old daughter!) You can add side items like a fresh loaf of Artisan bread, green beans or broccoli, or even a Green Salad with Vinaigrette.

Happy Hospitality Hunting!

Dog Days of Fall?

Well, at least at my house it is. This is my sweet Anabelle lying in her "spot" under a tree in our backyard. She loves this time of year almost as much as I do - and not for the pumpkins, or the decor - but for the cool breezes and long afternoon naps out in the sun.

She's such a gentle spirit - Anabelle is. She just doesn't have a mean bone in her entire body. She is protective when around other dogs, but is entirely a push over when it comes to people. She's never met a person she didn't love instantly.

Something about seeing her lying out in the yard, taking it easy, sleeping the warm afternoon away - made me think about how much I have needed that lately. And often how easy it is to find yourself immersed in the stress of life and details all the time. How easy it can be to get caught up in the fast day to day, calendar pushing that we do. Sometimes I look at my Anabelle and among the many other things she has taught me about loving, and patience, and forgiveness, also lies the simple truths like "it's ok to stop and take a breath, and just go lay in the grass for awhile and feel the breeze".

I have needed that reminder and seeing the visual today really made me take a moment.

Love my fur-babies so much...

~Christie

Fall Goddess Recommendation

It's not enough to quote her amazing ideas here, or to share with you some of her delicious recipes. You really should go visit her here. Really. I love her website because she kind of encompasses my personality within all its pages.

And because she has been, since I started scrapbooking, one of my all time favorite paper and embellishment lines to purchase.

And because I've been sending little notes on her stationary for years, and envelopes covered in her sticker line.

And because to me, she is the real deal...and not a M@rtha S. knockoff...

And because she somehow hones in on all the little things I love, adore, and cherish about my own life...

And because she makes me miss my family and all the things that were wonderful about my childhood.

And best of ALL - because even though I have never met or spoken to her in my life, she stopped by my little blog and left a comment! (which you can read here!!!) Which, by the way, caused my jaw to drop a whole three or four feet to the ground. I was in SHOCK! I think when you're that well known, and have books and calendars, etc. you probably have someone who has to scan the net making sure no one rips you off. To be honest, I specifically made sure to give her credit in my posts so that the opposite would be true. But just the fact that she took time to post - and to say anything at all - well, it just darn near got me a little teary eyed!

Reason enough I think. Go visit her....you will absolutely love peaking into her corner of the world and absorbing the domestic goddess that she truly is.

I am honored she stopped by! Susan, if you're reading this, you've made my day, and I really needed that!

Cheers everyone!